Has anyone ever had the feeling of being so busy/overwhelmed that they keep a certain date in their head as their goal because "after that day things will be calmer!"? I seem to fall into this trap over and over and over. I don't know if it is the nature of my job, or if it is just life in general. I'm starting to wonder if this is not a healthy way to go through life. If nothing else, this approach has started to feel like an empty promise. Inevitably, I finally get to "the date" with a lot of built up stress and anticipation about "the promised land" (i.e. time off, or at least less rushing around) only to be disappointed with the realization that my to do list hasn't gotten any shorter, my calendar is still just as full (if not fuller) and there is a new "date" to shoot for. Sometimes I feel like I am walking through the desert to a watering hole only to arrive at the watering hole and find out it was a mirage.
Case in point: May 3rd has been my goal date for a couple months. May 3rd marked the official end of all kid oriented scheduling in my program for this school year. The rest of the events that I am responsible were supposed to be "minor" in comparison and are adult focused. May 3rd also marked the last Saturday I was scheduled to work until June 7th (ahh, weekend sleeping in bliss!). So, I woke up early on May 4th only to roll out of bed and go to work/church. It was the last day of another kid program in my department so I needed to be present. OK, I can handle that because it is a regular Sunday schedule for me. No biggie, right? Except, since I have been so focused on May 3rd, I forgot all the detail stuff I needed to finish for a departmental development day on Tuesday (today...). So, May 4th and 5th were spent squeezing the planning in between regularly scheduled work. Oh, and of course there are those training sessions the 4 Mondays of May that I have to be around for (luckily, I am not leading the training!!!).
What does this mean? It means that I worked a 13 hour day yesterday so that I would be prepared for last night's training and today's "fun and relaxing" development day. I means that I just swapped one set of stresses for a new set of stresses and that the break in the clouds I was promised (I promised to myself?) was a mirage. It means that I am feeling disillusioned by my own schedule.
Does anyone else have this problem? I am starting to feel like I need a different approach to life. I constantly feel like I am living for "someday" rather than living in the moment. Sure, I have brief encounters where I am able to appreciate the "here and now," but these are the exception not the rule. I feel like I am stuck. I have to plan ahead with my job! Otherwise I would be reduced to tears everyday, overwhelmed by the constant barrage of tasks and people that battle for my attention. In one sense, my schedule/calendar/to-do list is my saving grace. However, that same schedule/calendar/to-do list also serves to remind me that there is no end in sight. I need a break in the clouds. How do you create a space of calm in the midst of the storm?
I will gladly accept all suggestions, comments, and assvice.