Wednesday, February 27, 2008

A Little Freaked Out ** UPDATED **

I am a little freaked out right now. I have had some brown spotting most of the day and this evening I am having some cramping. The cramps aren't too bad, but they don't go away when I sit still under a blanket like my other cramps have done. I am supposed to leave for my conference tomorrow. If my doc gets me in ASAP first thing in the morning I may have time to visit doc before I leave, but it will be really tight. I would like the reassurance of an ultra sound though... I guess I should just wait and see what happens during the night.

This sucks.


Well, I did manage to get to the doc this morning before I left and they did an ultrasound. The baby still looks good. It measured at 7w6d with a hb of 167. So, that is good! I think I have a yeast infection, but the doc said my cervix looks good. I don't know why I have the bleeding. I still get brown every time I wipe, but I am trying not to freak out about it... I think my baby is alive and that is all that matters.

OK, I'm at my in-laws atm. Thanks for all the prayers!

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

What is this Feeling?

**P-Word mentioned**
-This post is mostly about how IF is affecting my view of this pg. Skip if you need to.

I have been experiencing an odd feeling lately. This weekend we decided to tell our parents about the pg.--mostly because DH was just so excited to share he couldn't hold back with his mom. I decided that if he told his mom I should tell my parents too (so they wouldn't feel like they were second class grandparents). Both sets of parents are aware of the problems in the past so both of them responded with cautious optimism. They all also know that we aren't telling the world at large until the 2nd trimester. Then, I think hubby was on a high so he told some friends on this online role-playing game we play (I wasn't going to mention anything to them until the 2nd trimester and he didn't talk to me first...). At least these friends don't know other people we know in real life... And, since we told parents, I felt like I should tell my sister (the only sibling I have). She actually had a great reaction and cried out of joy. She is also cautiously optimistic (knowing our background).

Now comes the part where I am conflicted. This weekend we are traveling to hubby's home town. I have a conference and hubby decided to come so he could see family and old friends. He hasn't been home for a year and a half and he is very excited. He wants to tell everyone on his side while we are there. I will be 8 weeks at that point. This is where I start to get nervous. I feel weird coming out of the IF closet. It feels weird to tell people about a bfp when they don't understand everything that lead up to this for us. Infertility Just Sucks recently posted about the struggle with telling people about a pg who don't understand the IF struggle. I really resonated with her urge to accompany the news with a clarification...

"It was really hard to get here. It took a long time and lot of faith, hope and money. I feel the need to offer a reason for why I'm just now pregnant. Part of me wants to raise awareness and another part just wants to let that painful chapter of my life close and be done with."

I, too, feel the need to temper the news with a, "Wait! Don't throw a party yet. I don't want you to jinx anything. It's not a sure thing that I will get a baby out of this deal." I also feel the need to bring up the specifics of what we have been through to get here. I want to say something like, "Well, it took 21 months, 2 m/c's, 1 surgery, months of acupuncture, and countless tests and pills, but we seem to finally have produced a viable pg." Unfortunately, I don't think this urge comes from the altruistic place of wanting to raise awareness of IF in general. I have the urge to say all that because I think, in some sick and twisted way, I want 'credit' (whatever that means) for all that we have been through to get to this point. At least, I think that is about half the reason for the comments.

The other reason is that I don't think I have truly made the mental leap from barren woman to pregnant lady. In a way I just feel like I'm walking around playing the part of a pregnant woman, but it's not real. It's like I'm an actor who is going to go home at the end of the day and go back to being my real self: the barren woman. If I temper pg news with all the IF baggage then I am 'keeping it real.' If I say all that stuff then I am not pretending. I can't experience this pg like some naive fertile woman, so why should anyone else be able to either?

My extended family and friends are not going to hear anything until the 2nd trimester. The only tricky thing about this weekend is that the co-workers who are also attending the conference with me CANNOT find out yet! My co-workers aren't invited to the family dinner Saturday, (where husband plans to make the announcement) and the in-laws know not to spill the beans when they bring us to and from the airport, so hopefully it will be ok. I don't think I could handle word getting out at work and then end up m/cing and have to tell everyone there won't be a baby after all... Frankly, that sounds like hell on earth.

So, how do I handle this weekend's announcement? Honestly, if it were up to me, we wouldn't say anything at all. But, hubby is so excited to be able to share this with his best friends I don't want to take that away from him. I guess I just gave myself my answer, didn't I? I should let hubby take the lead on the announcement. It is his family and friends. This particular announcement is more for him anyway, so he should be able to make it however he wants.

So, there you have it. Now that I have put these thoughts down in black and white I feel kind of weird about it. I know feelings are neither bad or good, but I feel kind of ashamed of some of the things I am feeling about this pg. Like I'm already a bad mother for not feeling like a mother yet and wanting credit for all the suffering I've been through... I swear, I will not be one of those mothers who constantly reminds their child how many hours she was in labor with them! Nor will I hold my IF struggles over my child's head! Gosh, my kid's not even here yet and I'm already feeling guilty about being a bad mom... Uugghh.

Oh, in other news... I have lost 4 pounds in the last week because of being sick. That puts me down at least 15 pounds since the beginning of the year. I'm both ecstatic about this and a little worried. I've heard that a baby will take the nutrients it needs from the mom, so I'm just trying to focus on the positive...

Monday, February 25, 2008

Contacting Me

Someone recently asked me if I had an e-mail address associated with this blog. Yes I do! I set up an e-mail address specifically for my IF blogging needs. You can find my contact info under the "About Me" section. Just click on "View My Complete Profile" and then there is a link to my e-mail address.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Fessin Up

** P-Word Mentioned **

First, I'm sorry I am posting yet another post about the P-Word. I am very obsessed lately and find it difficult to think about much else. I'm not really sure if it's appropriate for me to apologize, but I am very conscious of how painful it is for other IFers to read about the P-Word when they are still struggling. For that, I really am sorry. I wish I could ease the pain for everyone.

Well, I guess the big question on my mind is, "When should I fess up and tell people I'm pg?" ATM only a few people know: 1 friend, my spiritual director, my supervisor (an IF sister), and the person who will fill in for me while I'm on maternity leave. Hubby has only told 1 friend. We had originally said that we would tell our parents after the u/s. I am still feeling hesitant and wanting to keep quiet. I know the doc said that the baby was on track and I shouldn't worry. However, I still can't get it out of my head that the baby was measuring 5 days smaller than I expected. I think I might try to talk to my doc on the phone tomorrow to get some reassurance from him. Supposedly, I will be 7w tomorrow... However, my baby is only measuring (apparently) 6w2d tomorrow (assuming baby grew the correct amount over the last 2 days). I would be feeling a lot more confident if the baby had measured within a day of 6w5d or had measured ahead of schedule. I don't want to tell everyone just to have to turn around and tell them I m/c'd again. Hubby wants to tell his parents and friends when we go to visit next weekend. I supposedly will be 8w (or, 7w2d?) at that point. My instinct says not to tell anyone until the 2nd trimester. For sure I don't plan on telling anyone else at church/work until the second trimester. However, what do I do about family and friends? I know hubby's step dad wants to take us out to sushi and he knows I love sushi. How do I get out of that one??

So, those are the questions rolling around in my head. Please feel free to weigh in with comments!! I think I might try to put up a poll too, if I can figure out how... Thanks for the advice.

P.S. Spellcheck is working again! Yeah!

P.P.S. Grrrrr... Blogger template layout isn't working properly and it won't let me add a new element. =( I will try to add the poll again later.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

How "Old"? --UPDATED--

**Pregnancy Post Warning**

So, I figured out to day that I may be farther along in this pregnancy than I thought. I ovulated early this cycle (on cd11). If I date the pregnancy from my menstral period, it puts me at 6w4d. If I date the pregnancy from my date of ovulation it puts me at 7w4d! I have to say, I like the sound of that second number better... It means that I am 1 week closer to the risk of m/c plummeting. At this point I am kind of confused about how to date this pg. I guess I will have a better idea after my u/s on Friday. I am even more anxious for the u/s now than I was before!

I am also concerned that I won't be able to go. Poor hubby came down with the flu and has had a high fever the last 2 days. The doc gave him tamaflu and a cough syrup with codine and I have been giving him fever reducing meds (ibuprophen and tylenol). I am just kind of waiting for the flu to hit me now. Unfortunately, I can't take all the good drugs he's taking because it's too much of a risk for the baby. I would be limited to Tylenol... It's also kind of sucky timing... I am supposed to go out of town next weekend... =( Hopefully I can avoid the flu all together, but I'm not holding my breath. If I am sick I won't go to the doc's office for the u/s where there are other preggos and babies that are vulnerable.

Anyway, I am kind of excited about the possibility of being further along than I thought. It would be like I jumped ahead in time a week! Friday will be very telling...

Oh, as far as symptoms... I still don't have any morning sickness (did I just tempt fate or what?). My bbies are kind of tender, but not as much in the nipple area as in the surrounding tissue... It's also really fiberous. I'm not sure if that's normal, but I am just assuming that it is. I also have some cramping in my abdomen. There hasn't been any blood and the cramps aren't too severe, so I'm not freaking out too much. Every once in a while I get a sharp pain, but it's over quickly and THERE'S NO BLOOD. That's the important part! (And I don't let myself go to the idea that I could have a missed m/c...)

The other worry is that I have continued to take Flax Seed Oil (per my doctor's recommendation) and tonight I just saw on a site that it may be linked to m/c... I'm not going to take it anymore!

And, as long as I'm updating... I haven't lost anymore weight. I've basically been holding steady for the last couple weeks. I'm ok with this. I figure it's not good for the baby for me to loose more weight right now. I am just trying to eat a balanced diet and avoid a whole new list of foods...

Well, I think I'm going to go to bed to try and get enough sleep to ward off the stupid flu.

Thanks for listening to my random pg worry post...

UPDATE: Apparently, I am not good at remember the context of numbers... I remembered the number 11, but forgot that I ovulated on CD11, not Jan 11. CD 11 was actually Jan 14. So, it would still put me a little further along, but only a few days. So, as of Feb. 20, 2008 I should either be 6w5d pregnant or 7w2d pregnant. I still like the second option better.

Oh, and this morning I woke up with congestion in my chest and my cough has gotten worse. I think the flu is settling in... =( I hope I don't have to miss any more days of work. I only have 5 vacation days left and I was hoping I could roll them over to next year (we can roll over up to 5 days) so I could tack them onto maternity leave. I know it won't be the end of the world if I have to use them, but it would have been nice. I get 6wks maternity leave and next year (my "year" starts in May) I will get 3 wks vacation. I was planning on tacking on some vacation to the maternity leave, but keeping 1 week just in case I need it for illness or something else. If I have to use up the rest of my sick time now that would give me 8 weeks to be home with the baby before going back to work. I guess we'll just have to see what happens.



I called the doc this morning with my flu concerns and they said I should come in to see the doc today. So, they rescheduled my u/s for today too. Unfortunately, hubby was too sick to come with me. =( I brought a DVD to record the u/s, but the recorder machine wouldn't accept my disk. =( =( Unfortunately, I don't have any pictures I can post because we don't have a scanner and I only have still hardcopy pictures. I did call hubby when I saw the heartbeat. That was an exciting moment. They said the baby measured at 6w exactly (.47 cm). I was a little worried about this but the doc (not mine, but another one in the practice) said it was within the 7 day range that is considered acceptable. He said he wanted to keep the dating from the first day of my period at 6w5d. I am trying not to worry about it. I did implant late (around 10dpo) so maybe I did start off later. The HB was 134 the first time she measured and 136 the second time. They said that was good. Again, I'm just trying to trust and relax... I have another apt in 4 weeks (I will be 10wks at that point). We may be able to hear the heartbeat at that apt but it's not for sure because the pelvic bone could be in the way. I do have a tipped uterus so I'm not really counting on it. Anyway, that is the update. I'm trying to just focus on the positive (strong heartbeat!) and not worry. I am intentionally using my will to trust the Lord. Everything will be OK. Everything will be OK. Everything will be OK!

OH, and as for the flu. I did start to get a fever (100 degrees at the doc). He told me to take Robitussin DM, Sudafed, Tylenol, and Vitamin C. I also picked up some grapefruit seed extract. The doc said it would be ok and I haven't seen anything that would indicate it could be harmful. Since I can't take the flu medication I am hoping this will help me get over things more quickly than my poor hubby (who is still home and miserable in bed).


3rd UPDATE (and final for this post)
I just talked to my doc on the phone. He reassured me that Oct 10th will be my due date from here on out. He said the machine has a margin of error of 5 days, so there is nothing for me to worry about. I think they might have an older machine because he said that at 30 weeks pg the machine can be off by up to 3 weeks. So, I am feeling better about the u/s. I think I just needed to hear reassurance from the doc I trust. Not that I don't trust his partner, but it's different when my doc tells me. My doc explains things better, in more detail, and in a way that makes sense to me. I really like him (which is why I put up with his stupid staff). I guess that makes me officially 7w today! Yeah! =) After I hung up the phone with him I could actually feel myself physically relax. Whew!

Monday, February 18, 2008

Baby Shower Decision

Well, I went to the baby shower yesterday. It went pretty well. I didn't have any hidden emotions well up, so that was good. My biggest struggle was not saying anything when they were talking about pg symptoms and planning (it's too early and I didn't want to steal the spotlight). The only tension was in the beginning with one of the preggos, but then it was ok. In fact, she volunteered to help me with a scrapbooking project for our next get together. That really surprised me.

Why the tension, you might ask? Well, at our Christmas gathering this girl talked about her pg the whole time and even told another girl who all the preggos were, excluding me of course, where I could hear. Then later she and her hubby were talking to the newly engaged girl and warned her about being careful about NFP on their honeymoon or they would end up pg... right in front of me. This girl was one of the ones who announced her pg in Sept right before I m/c'd so she knew what happened with me. I didn't say anything to her at the party, but I did go to the bathroom and cry twice. A couple weeks later I wrote her an email asking for her help. I explained to her how hard it has been for me and everything I had gone through and that it would really help me out if she would limit how much she talked about her pg in front of me. I didn't ask her to avoid the topic completely or anything. I wasn't mad at her either (although I thought she was kind of insensitive), I just wanted to avoid emotional breakdowns at future gatherings. She never emailed me back. The next news from her was that she wasn't coming to the New Years Eve party. I emailed her again that I never intended for her to avoid gatherings and that I hoped she would attend. She still didn't email me back. In the end, I didn't go to the New Years party, but for other reasons. The shower was the first time I saw her after all that.

Anyway, I hope things continue to go well with this pg so that I can be comfortable around my friends. They really are great ladies! There are just a lot of fertiles in the group. I am glad it went well. It was fun to see everyone and we made some funny onesies for the moms.

OK, I need to get ready for work... It's going to be another long week... =(

Saturday, February 16, 2008

"Keyword Analysis"

Does anyone else look at their statcounter to see how people find their blog? I like to look periodically. Every once in a while it is obvious that someone is trying to find porn and they find my blog instead. I can't imagine what their reaction is when they click on the link and find me talking about infertility and faith. LOL It's probably a bit of a shock... I am sharing today because the phrase that brought someone to my blog was just too funny!

"temptation sperm party"

What is that?!? It just makes me laugh!
What are some of the funny google search key words that bring people to your blog?

Friday, February 15, 2008

What's "Normal"?

**post all about pregnancy-- skip if you want**

Last night I had some cramping. It was more intense than the little cramplets I've been having all along, but not as intense as the cramps from when I m/c'd. I haven't had any spotting. The cramps started on my drive home. When I got home I basically tried to stay as still as I could. When I was still and under a blanket the cramps would subside. I would describe the cramps as a throbbing (at times) and a crushing feeling (at the most intense). They were in various parts of my abdomen on both the R and L sides and mostly in the lower region. I called my doc's office this morning and talked to a nurse. She said that the cramps sounded fairly typical for a pg'y, even for this early. I also googled (because, of course I need to hear the same news from multiple sources) cramping in early pregnancy. Basically, as long as there is no blood and the cramps aren't too intense then it isn't anything to worry about. Apparently my body is already moving out of the way of the baby (even though the little one is only about 5-7mm at 6 weeks). Is it too early for round ligament pain?

So, I guess my question is: what kind of cramping is "normal" for you during pregnancy? At what point should I worry and rush to the doctor?

"Motherhood at Any Cost"

Umm, yeah. I just watched the infamous Tyra episode about women who are desparate to have a baby. Wow. The only part of the first 3/4 of the show that I thought Tyra was respectful and appropriate was when she was talking with Trista and Ryan (from the Bachelorette). I felt like Tyra was basically exploiting the people and the situations on the show. The poor couple in the audience who have been trying for 5 years got completely cut off. Then, there was this poor pathetic girl (I think she said she was 22) who was engaged and trying to get pg by not always taking her b/c. Her fiance didn't want to have a baby for another 5 years. The fiance actually called the show because he thought Tyra would help him "talk some sense" into his fiance. Instead, Tyra ended up counseling the girl to leave her fiance and find someone who wants a baby soon. I felt sorry for the poor guy. He looked like he was hit by a bus.

The most frustrating part was that there was quite a bit of mis-information about IF issues. The best part of the show was when Tyra talked to Kim Hahn, and only because Kim Hahn kind of took over the conversation. Even Kim, though, kind of mis-lead the audience by saying that you ovulate 14 days before the end of your cycle. That's only true if your luteal phase is 14 days, which for many women it's not... Basically, I was pretty disappointed with the show. I don't normally watch Tyra, and after today I don't really plan on adding her to my "watch" list...

Thursday, February 14, 2008

It All Comes Down to Trust

**Pregnancy talk warning** (skip if you want)

I am 5w6d today. I think I am starting to become comfortable with the idea of being pg. Last week I had to go to Tar.get for a few things and I found myself walking through the baby section and starting to plan. I ran some names past hubby to see what he thought. I'm starting to day dream. This is getting dangerous... I've never gotten this far in a pg before. I do have a few symptoms (tender bbies, constipation, slight nausea sometimes, fatigue almost every day). The symptoms coupled with the great beta numbers are basically what I'm counting on... I don't see the doc until the 22nd. By that time I will be 7w exactly. As long as my symptoms keep up and I don't have any cramps or spotting, then everything is a-ok, right? I have to think that way. Otherwise... I can't think about what the "otherwise" means.

** Pregnancy talk over**

I think this time in my life has been an exercise in trusting God. One way of looking at the last 2 years (or, for my whole life really) is to see everything that has happened as a different invitation to trust God and His ability to provide for me and give me what will bring true joy to my life, while at the same time giving me an opportunity to build up the kingdom. And, over the last 2 years I have felt the range of emotion when it comes to trusting God. At times I have had complete trust and at other times I have not felt one iota of trust. Recently, I've started to realize that my trust level varies depending on the topic. For most things in my life I have a lot of trust in God's providence. For example, when it comes to money I don't really worry about the future, even though money is REALLY tight and we don't really have a savings. But, for most of my life money has been really tight (if not non-existant) and everything has always worked out. I've always had everything I needed, just not necessarily everything I wanted (e.g. I still have never had an ipod). But, lack of money doesn't bother me that much. Sure, I worry from time to time, but it doesn't overwhelm me.

It's probably no surprise that the area I have difficulty trusting God with is my fertility. Yesterday I had a spiritual direction session (the first one since October!). Most of the session seemed to circle around this trust issue and around the meaning of suffering. One thing my director said that really stuck with me was that trust is an act of the will. I think I have heard this before, but it never really struck me as deeply. This past cycle I was kind of in the "fake it 'til you feel it" mode. I think that is a way of trusting with your will without having the feelings to back it up. I had been walking around feeling like a hypocrit, but now I don't think I was. I never lost my faith/belief in God. I was just very hurt. When I'm hurt I pull back and turn inward... protect the core...

I think I need to change how I see my suffering (easy to say, hard to do). I'm not quite sure what the modification fully looks like, but it starts with acknowledging that God didn't send me this suffering. I am not being punished. My head has known this, but I think I felt this way deep down. I do not "deserve" to be infertile (nobody does) nor did I do anything wrong to warrant a punishment like this. Secondly, suffering comes because we live in a fallen world. This world is not the way God originally planned it to be. Third, suffering can be redemptive. I'm not saying I think you have to suffer in order to get to heaven. However, I am saying that how you deal with the suffering you experience can bring you closer to God and help you better serve those around you.

The other day I was reading a reflection from Henri Nouwen (one of my favorite spiritual writers) about the connection between the Eucharist and God's unconditional love. The Eucharist is the blueprint (so-to-speak) of how God's love is transformative. Jesus took the bread, blessed it, broke it, and gave it to the disciples. Those 4 words say it all: take, bless, break, give. Even Jesus himself was taken, blessed, broken, and given to the world... and it was the most loving thing the Father could do for us... and the most loving gift Jesus could give. We too are taken, blessed, broken, and given, if we allow it to happen. And, even though the breaking part really hurts, we are blessed before that. And, the breaking has a purpose: transformation for the benefit of others. For myself, at this moment, I need to focus on the blessing part so I can be ready to give. Otherwise, the breaking part has no meaning.

And, even though I just spent all that time talking about suffering, in this moment all is good. If nothing else I have a little break from the suffering. The break is nice, I have to say. I'm not really at the stage where I can feel complete joy (and only joy) but I'm trying to find my way there. Suffering allows us to feel the joy when it comes, right?

Well, this turned into a really long post... I think it's time to sign off for now.

Monday, February 11, 2008

The Baby Shower Question

Kathy recently posed the question about attending a baby shower. It was good to see everyone's response. It seems like everybody has their own way of dealing with baby showers, but most people said to do what you think is best for you.

I have a slight twist on the question and I was just looking for some feedback. This weekend is the baby shower my group of friends planned for all the preggos in our group. This is the shower that would have been partly for me if my first baby had kept on growing. Two of the ladies already have kids, but the third lady is pg with her first (honeymoon) baby. One of the ladies is about to pop with her 5th kiddo (5th in 6 years...). At first when I got the invite a few weeks ago I told the hostess that there was no way I could come (she knows why). Then, I got the bfp and it seems to be sticking (at least that is what I'm trying to convince myself of since there isn't any blood). Friday I told the hostess that I was pg (but she's the only friend I've told). I asked her if I could be a maybe until the last minute because I wasn't sure if I wanted to go. The shower is not going to be a typical shower since there are 3 ladies. We are just supposed to bring some diapers and a onesie to decorate. [I told the hostess (just after my 2nd m/c) that when I did finally manage to have a healthy pregnancy I wanted a kick-ass baby shower... She agreed.]

So, here's my question (and you may not even be able to answer this for me, but you're the only ones who might be able to put yourself in my shoes). Should I go? Should my attendance depend on how well my current pg is doing? I'm doing better these days, but I don't know if there are hidden emotions that will bubble up unexpectedly... What would you do in my shoes? I don't want to go and then be the wet blanket at the party. However, I would like to be able to celebrate new life with my friends.

Sorry for the rambling nature of this post. My thoughts seem to be really scattered these days... I'm actually supposed to be working right now, but I can't concentrate on anything (except this pg...). Is there a 12 step program for people struggling with IF and m/c? I should probably be attending meetings...

Saturday, February 9, 2008

More Prayer Please

Remember this post? I talked to my friend yesterday and asked her for an update about the girl who was being pressured to have an abortion. The girl did go through with the abortion. This makes me so sad...not just because she had the abortion, but also because her parents and her boyfriend pressured her. I worry about her waking up someday and being overcome with grief. Please continue to pray for her.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Lenten Plans

I can't believe Lent starts tomorrow! I know it is very early this year, but it really did sneak up on me. Thank you lifehopes for your post about your Lenten plans. It served as a kick in the butt for me to make some decisions about what I will do for Lent.

I have really struggled in my relationship with God lately, especially in the area of trust. I think I will take the opportunity of my Lenten penances to work on this relationship. I decided to post my Lenten penances on my blog so that I can be held accountable... To that end, here is what I have decided to do for Lent:

Prayer: I will pray every day, in the morning before I do anything else (except maybe eat breakfast...). I used to pray daily, but I have really gotten away from it for months. Lately I have only been praying during my weekly adoration hour (and even that is very distracted and half-hearted prayer sometimes).

Fasting: I will fast from TV in the mornings before going to work. I have gotten into the habit of turning on the TV in the mornings for background noise while I get ready and cook and do dishes. I will also try to limit the amount of TV I watch in the evenings when I get home. Many nights my hubby doesn't come home until 10:30-11:00pm, so I often turn on the TV for company. Maybe I should start reading instead.

Almsgiving: This one is hard. Money is really tight right now so I hesitate to give any more of our treasure. I already give a lot of my time and talent to the church because I work there. I will look for an opportunity to give some time to something that will benefit someone or a group of people in need. I might help with our church's food bank or something. I used to volunteer at an advocacy center and help very poor and homeless people. I kind of miss that social justice work. I will look for some opportunities in the weeks to come. Maybe I can help with Catholic Charities. They recently opened a satelite office at our church. I might just go over tomorrow to see what they need.

In other news, I finally saw my doc today. I really do like him! He seemed very confident about this pg. He answered all my questions, which was helpful. Yes, I can take acidophilus to help ward off yeast infections. I am also going to start taking a calcium supplement since I am lactose intollerant. I affirmed my ideas about adding back some grains and a few fruits to my diet to try to stay more well-rounded in my diet. He said not to change too drastically though, especially since I have a few candida symptoms still (namely, mucus in my stool). He also said that since I have a history of m/c we should refrain from sex for the 1st trimester. I was a little disappointed to hear this, but hubby was pretty frustrated. The doc said that if we did have sex it most likely wouldn't cause a m/c, but that if a m/c were to happen the amount of guilt we would feel would be disproportionate. I think he's right. He also said that I should ease into exercise. I am supposed to stick with walking the first trimester, then in the 2nd trimester I can add some strength training, especially in the abdomen area. That made sense to me. I'm also supposed to keep taking the baby asprin. He didn't seem too concerned that I have lost 10 pounds in the last 3 weeks. He did say that I should be moderate with my diet though.

So, that is the update in a nutshell. I am scheduled to go in in 2 weeks for an ultra sound. By then we should be able to see a heartbeat. I think I will feel better after the ultra sound. It seems like the next major hurdle.

Ok, please forgive the ramblings of a desperate infertile woman grasping at straws that this pg is on the right track...

My progesterone has kicked in and I have that "drunk" feeling. I think I'm going to go to bed. Thanks for stickign with me!

Friday, February 1, 2008

6 Non-Important Things Meme

I've been tagged by Alison to list 6 non-important facts about me.
The Rules:
1) Link to the person that tagged you.
2) Post the rules on your blog.
3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
4) Tag at least three people at the end of your post and link to their blogs.
5) Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
6) Let the fun begin!

This is very similar to the last meme I did, so I have to come up with some new things. Let's see, six non-important facts about me:
1) I have small hands. Women's size gloves don't fit me, but kids size gloves do. I have only met one other fully grown adult woman with hands as small as mine.

2) I LOVE avocados! In a restaurant I will order a dish because it comes with avocados. I like guacamole too (if it's made correctly, not the fake stuff you buy in the grocery store), but there is a difference between guacamole and avocados.

3) I am more proud of the school I went to for my Masters than I am for my undergrad. Sometimes I will avoid telling people what school I went to for undergrad unless they ask me directly. I identify more with my grad school and will always root for their sports teams. Of course, my undergrad was a women's college so their sports aren't usually televised nationally anyway...

4) My favorite color is green.

5) I love riding a bike around, especially if I can go to a park with bike paths. Unfortunately, I don't currently own a bike.

6) We don't have cable tv. We are still using rabbit ears. We're just not home enough to warrant having more than 7 channels...

OK, I think I will tag New Reality, Farah, and R&R. =)

Finally, Some Good News! **UPDATED**

I went to the doc's office this morning for my 2nd beta and the results from my first set of tests.

HcG = 367 at 16dpo
Progesterone = 36

Yeah! Those are great numbers! =) I am breathing a little easier now. They are supposed to be processing my beta today STAT (although I have to pay extra to use the STAT currier, but I don't care) so I should know the results by this afternoon. It also looks like my Rh Factor is positive and my platelet levels are good. That's good to know. I was wondering if pregnancy might make my ITP flare up (in the back of my mind I wondered) but I seem to be doing good right now.

I was only at the office for about 20 minutes. It was obvious that the office manager had talked to the staff about my case, but I don't care. As long as things continue to go smoothly I am happy. It will be good to talk to my doc on Tuesday to ask some of my questions. I'm not sure if I should continue to not eat fruit now that I'm pg. My candida symptoms have really backed off, but I don't want them to flare up again. You're suppose to stay away from all simple carbs and sugars (including fruit) for at least a month. I just don't want to deprive my body of any nutrients I need. I am eating a lot of veggies (and a variety) so maybe that is enough...? I did have an orange yesterday. I still lost weight this morning so it couldn't have thrown me off that much. However, the area in my mouth that will flare up with thrush feels a little swollen. This happens before I get an outbreak of thrush so I don't want to push my luck. I'm not sure if I can take acidophilus while pregnant (the bottle says to consult your doctor) so I have been staying away from it.

Anyway, thanks for putting up with me this week while I went through my very stressful freak out. Hopefully things will be smoother going forward. Hooray for good numbers! =)


Results from this morning are just in:

HcG = 760

Woo!Hoo! That number is more than double and it was 46 hours between tests. Yee! Haw! I am relieved and very stoked. I know that we're not completely safe and that things can still happen, but I feel like we just successfully jumped over the first hurdle. I think I can start to believe that I am actually pg now. I don't think I'll put up a pg tracker until after I see a heart beat, but I have a really big smile on my face right now! =D

OH, I guess I owe my L ovary an apology... Good 'Ole Lefty, I'm sorry I called you retarded. You have definitely proven yourself this cycle. Thank you!