Nervous

Well, I am 18w6d today. Tomorrow is the big u/s. I am pretty nervous. I have been having some odd aches in my cervical area. The paranoid part of my brain has been worried that it is thinning and dialating.... I am definitely asking my doc to check it tomorrow! I'm really looking forward to seeing the baby, but I'm also nervous about what we will see. I just want all the organs to be present, accounted for, and growing on target. Hubby wants to find out the gender. I feel ambivilent about the gender. I just really want a healthy baby!!! My heart breaks every time I hear about someone who looses their baby in tragic circumstances late in their pg. I know this is really selfish, but I really don't want to join that club! I have been pretty stressed out for at least a month. My heart palpatations have returned.

I know I sound crazy, but I would really appreciate prayers, good wishes, etc. sent my way. Tomorrow, after everything is ok, I will pull out of this self-centered paranoid crap.

Just to end on a more positive note, I felt the baby move "for sure" yesterday. I have had some experiences that "might" have been the baby for a few weeks, but yesterday was definitely the baby. I was sitting at work typing something. All of a sudden it felt like bubbles were brushing up against the inside of my belly. It happened about 4-5 times. It was a beautiful, wonderful, happy moment! I have been checking in on the baby about every other day with the doppler (holding steady at 150 beats/min), but feeling the baby was A LOT more exciting!