Thursday, January 31, 2008

A Few Symptoms?

I experienced a couple things that I hope are pg symptoms.
- This morning I had a bitter taste in the back of my mouth and throat. It is also reoccuring tonight.
- This morning my mucus (the stuff in my nose) smelled sour when I blew my nose.
- I have been having this pinching feeling in my abdomen. It's not like menstral cramps so I hesitate to call it cramps.
- This morning my areolas looked larger and pinker.
- Yesterday I was VERY tired, especially in the afternoon and evening (although today I had normal energy levels).

If you know anything about any of the above being or not being symptoms, please let me know. It's kind of freaking me out that my bbies aren't sore yet. I'm also really tired of being scared and freaked out.

I'm sorry I'm such a whiner so far during this pg. To be honest, this pg doesn't feel real yet. I still feel like Infertile Mertile. I want to relax, but I can't. It would really be great if I could have a good experience at the doctor tomorrow morning and my beta results are in and wonderfully high.

It Gets Better...

I called the doc this morning to find out the results of my labs. After playing phone tag, 2 hours of waiting, and getting dropped while being on hold, I finally talk to a nurse. They didn't have my results. She called the lab and got back to me about 5 minutes later (the first thing that was finally done in a timely manner!). And the results are...

They didn't test my HCG levels.

Yet again, I find myself saying WHAT?!?!?!? I don't know if there was a mix up in how the tests were ordered or if there was a communication break down. I specifically asked the lab tech if she was taking blood to do a beta test. Do people not know that is the slang term for a Beta HCG test?? The good news is that the lab is supposed to do the test now, with the blood they already took.

Also, my progesterone test isn't complete. Supposedly I will receive my results tomorrow when I go for the second round of needle poking. Unfortunately, the second test is on a Friday. Since I'm going in the morning I'm going to ask them to run the tests STAT so I can receive the results before the weekend. I think it's the least they can do after all they have put me through this week... Who wants to bet that the results still won't be in even if they run them STAT?

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

The Non-Appointment

I wish I could say that my appointment today went as well as Trish's. Sadly, I had about the opposite experience. I would like to start off, though, by saying that my doctor is great! He is a good listener, he's aggressive enough when it's necessary, and he genuinely cares about how my husband and I are doing during this struggle. Unfortunately, my doc wasn't there today. Instead, I had to put up with his completely incompetent staff. I have had several issues in the past with them not reading my chart or reading it incorrectly in the past. Today was no different.

I was at the doctor's office for 2.5 hours and I never saw a doctor. First the front clerk asked if I still lived at the address from 6 months ago. I gave them my new address six months ago, which was on the paper she lifted up to look at the paper with my old address... Once I told her I gave them my updated info 6 moths ago she looked at the paper in her hand and said, "Oh, never mind, I see it now." Yeah. I have no words.

Then, after waiting for an hour, a nurse brought me to the back and had me pee in a cup. Then I waited in the mini waiting room in the back. After another hour the same nurse brought me to the lab tech to have a complete OB set of blood work taken. I was still fairly calm at this point because I knew they were still trying to catch up from having to evacuate yesterday. However, I did start to get annoyed when I asked when my lab results would be ready and the nurse walking by told me Friday morning. I'm sorry, but that's ridiculous! I explained to the lab tech that I have a history of m/c. She told me that the results will actually come up on the printer at the office in the morning so she suggested I call and ask them to check tomorrow. That is exactly what I plan to do! Ater my labs they led me back to the waiting room rather than an exam room. Uuggh!

The last straw came 5 minutes later when the tech to the sonogram came to give me a sonogram. Um, hello! I'm only peak +17! You can't see anything yet! I didn't want to pay for something that wasn't going to give us any info. I explained that to the tech and the nurse (the same one that has been working with me the entire time). The nurse apologised and said that she mis-read my chart and thought I was there for my pregnancy from September. Again, I say, WHAT?!?!?!? Do I look like I am 6 months pregnant?? And, if that wasn't a big enough clue, what about the fact that 2 hours ago she is the one who gave me the cup to pee in to confirm my pregnancy!!!!! Doesn't anyone in this office know how to read a chart?? Uuggh!

At this point I was late for work. My doc wasn't there anyway and I didn't really want to ask the fill-in doc most of my questions because he doesn't know my history. Why should I pay for a consultation that won't give me any info? I just asked to re-schedule to see my doc on Friday when I had to come in for more labs anyway... I went to the front desk to schedule for Friday and she said that my doc wasn't going to be in on Friday. I just lost it.

I don't think these people understand what it's like to be scared out of your mind that a new pg is going to go kaput at any moment. When I started crying at the front desk the scheduler brought me to the office of the Office Manager to talk. I gave her a brief history of my infertility and my experience with the office workers and some of the nurses. She thanked me for telling her my honest experience and assured me that she is working on improving the situation. She scheduled me for follow up lab work on Friday and a consultation appt on Tuesday morning with my doc (the first available appt). I will follow up on my lab results tomorrow morning.

I still have a lot of questions that I'm very nervous about. If my progesterone numbers are low I will just go in tomorrow and see whatever doc is available. I have been worried that the prometrium isn't as affective as it needs to be and I might need to switch to shots. I don't want to m/c just because my doc was out of town and the office help couldn't get their act together!

When I left the doc's office I was so frustrated and scared I cried all the way home. I tried to keep myself calm enough not to burst into body shaking sobs. I know stress is not good for the baby. It's hard though. I am scared to death. It doesn't help that I am having some weird pinching cramps tonight on my L side. They are different than the feeling I'd been having up 'til today.

I don't know if all this stuff is happening to force me to trust God, or if it's all just a cruel series of coincidences. I wish I could get some reassurance somewhere though. I guess for now, the saga continues...

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

More Waiting

Yeah. My doctor's office had to cancel my appointment today because they had to evacuate the building due to some fires started by stupid people throwing cigarettes on the ground! When I got that phone call I was so scared! I have another apt scheduled for tomorrow morning at 9am. That's one more day without knowing if my baby is growing on track. One more day without being able to ask all my questions. One more day without being able to re-evaluate all my scripts and make sure my hormone levels are on track. Unfortunately, Wed is my doc's surgery day so I have to see another doc in the practice. The doc I'm seeing is the doc I saw the first time I went to this practice. I asked to move to my doc because I thought this other guy was too green (he was fresh out of school) to handle my complicated situation. However, I will still get blood tests done, so that is good. Maybe I can talk to my doc on the phone for my other questions.

In the meantime, I just couldn't sit back and do nothing. I took my first dose of baby asprin (the last time I talked to my doc he said that he wanted me to start taking it when I got pregnant). I also went out and bought another pregnancy test. The good news is I am still pg. I was hoping that the line would be quite a bit darker, but it was about the same. I'm trying to convince myself it's because yesterday I tested with fmu and today I tested when I got home from work and I had a lot of water today. It was slightly reassuring to see the positive stick though. I am still feeling that pressure/pinching feeling in my abdomen. Other than that I still don't have any symptoms.

One of the first things I thought about when I heard my apt was cancelled was that God really wants me to trust completely in Him. Honestly, I don't know if I can right now. I want to. Or, at least I want to want to trust in Him completely. The most appropriate prayer for me right now is from St. Augustine, "I believe Lord, help my unbelief." This cycle I have tried to make decisions that show my trust in God (even if I don't really feel the trust at the time). Apparently, I need more opportunities to trust... God, please help me to be patient and trust in you.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Not Retarded

So, today is peak + 15. I have no symptoms. My bbies are normal. I haven't even had any pimples (which might be a symptom because it's a lack of a usual AF symptom, I don't know). In fact, I have had some weird sensations (I'm not sure if they qualify as cramps, but definitely pressure at least) in my uterus/pelvic area. Last night I had a little bit of CM with what looked like a hint of brown. I thought it was AF finally coming. However, every trip to the bathroom after that the tp was completely dry. My body was totally messing with my head!

When I woke up this morning my temp was barely above my cover line and the tp was still dry. Then, it dawned on me. Maybe my loosing weight and changing diet helped my body not to be so estro.gen dominant! Of course! Normally I just take the prog.esterone until my period starts. The doc has me on a pretty high dose (2oomg in the AM and 200mg in the PM), but my period always breaks right through. That is kind of weird don't you think. I have a history of unusually high est and unusually low prog. So, I decided to poas so I would know I wasn't pg and I could stop taking prog (actually it's prome.trium, but same thing). I didn't have any so I ran to the dollar store and picked one up. It was positive.


It was positive! It wasn't even a "faint, squint to see it" positive. It was a "show up right away, definite line" positive. My body is totally messing with my head. Maybe my L ovary isn't retarded after all...

My doc told me to come in asap if I thought I was pg. Of course, he doesn't work Mondays and his partner is "triple booked" today. So, I have an apt at 2:15 tomorrow with my doc, who is also "triple booked" tomorrow so they have to "work me in." Apparently in the last 3 months a lot of people have gotten pg but have had problems so it has been crazy at my doc's office.

I'm still in shock. I was totally sure this month was a bust. Now, I'm hoping that my lack of symptoms isn't a bad sign... I don't think I'll be able to relax at all until the 2nd trimester...

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Overcoming Temptation

Last night my church put on a party for all of the volunteers for children's ministries and the ministries that help prepare people who wish to join the church. Since we are a large church this is a very big party. We always have a very nice dinner before the festivities begin. Last night on the menu was chick.en pi.ccata, grilled veggies, salad, rolls with garlic butter, shrimp, and stuffed shell pasta with red sauce. I went through the line the first time and filled my plate with a double serving of the veggies, a small breast of chicken, salad, and shrimp. When I finished I wasn't hungry and I had stuck to my diet as well as possible (the only "bad" part was the breading on the chicken, but I chose a piece with almost no breading). Of course, when I was finished I was really craving a roll with the yummy garlic butter and a stuffed shell. I have really been craving tomato sauce stuff lately... I seriously considered splurging for the night and having all those delicious carbs. However, I resisted. I tried to keep in mind how good I was feeling and how the numbers on the scale are going down. I was very proud of myself (although I was still craving that pasta...)

My reward came this morning. I still managed to loose 0.6 pounds! =) I'm switching my ticker!

In other news, my temp is messing with me. It is peak + 13 today. After 2 days of low temps yesterday's temp went up again, but today's was down again. I think, for my sanity's sake, I am going to continue to expect AF today. If she doesn't come today I will test tomorrow.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Nose Dive

I am peak +11 and my temp has plummeted 2 days in a row. I'm guessing AF is on her way. If that happens this would be my first cycle of temping that actually followed "the rules" of temping. That is actually kind of nice. I've never had any warning AF was on the way besides some cramps. I am a little disappointed, but not surprised. I don't think my L ovary works very well. For years I have had a pattern of one fairly normal cycle and one weird cycle on and off. I think my L ovary is retarded .

In other news, I am going to work today after 2 days of being home sick. I am still congested, but feeling much better. That's good because tomorrow is a long day at work. Hopefully I don't wear myself down too much and just relapse.

One last thing. I have a prayer request. One of my friends went to the March for Life in D.C. and was asked to pray for a girl who is pregnant, in college, and being pressured by her boyfriend and her parents to have an abortion. She has an appointment for today for "the procedure." Please pray for her. She is confused and went to see her campus minister for advice (that's how my friend knows... my friend is also a campus minister and heard through the prayer network). I am still in shock that her parents are pressuring her too. I think they are a Catholic family. Obviously they think a baby at this point in her life would ruin her life. If I knew her I would offer to adopt the baby myself. I hate that this is still happening in our world. I just don't understand how someone could kill a baby.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Good News, Bad News

Bad news first... I have the flu. It started as a sore throat this weekend and has turned into total body achy-ness, headache, congestion, runny nose, low grade fever, and fatigue. Monday I worked a half day and I stayed home all day Tuesday. I haven't decided if I'm going in to work today or not. I may take one more day just to make sure I am on the mend. Poor hubby is getting sick too. =(

Good news: I seem to be loosing a little over 0.5 pounds a day. Yesterday I lost 0.8 pounds from the previous day and today I lost 0.6 pounds. I think 0.6 pounds is great for a day of staying home sick and doing nothing! I know this loss is mostly due to my new candida diet. The only carbs I've been eating are in root veggies (which have more fiber anyway) and barley (also high in fiber). I still feel like I am fighting off yeast infections but it does feel a little more in control than it has in the last few months. I keep taking acidophilus and yesterday I had a little yogurt. I am hoping that I can start to add in a few more carbs in about a month. I guess we'll see. I am excited about the weight loss though. =)

Monday, January 21, 2008

Candida Strikes Again

I know it's been a little while since I posted (how often do I start a post like this?). I think I just need to give in and accept that I am a random poster. Sometimes I post daily and sometimes I wait a couple weeks.

I guess the biggest news is that I talked to my doctor on Friday. I had an ultrasound done on cd8 (yes, the really fun kind with "the wand") to look at my ovaries. I was still having that weird cramping/pinching/full feeling. I had a small cyst on my L ovary that was 2.4cm. I wasn't able to really talk to my doc that day because he got called out to do a surgery. He just came to talk to me for a few minutes because I had told the nurse that I suspected I had a very early m/c the cycle before. We chatted for a couple minutes, he ordered the u/s and then ran out. We agreed to talk by phone the next Friday (because my work schedule and his surgery schedule make it difficult to talk at a different time).

He said he wasn't worried about the cyst even though it was so big so early. So, I'm trying to just assume that the cyst did in fact release an egg. My temp was a little erratic, but it seems to have shifted up, so I suppose that is good. (Don't I sound confident?)

The main thing I wanted to discuss with him was my suspicion that I had candidiasis. I told him about having to eat yogurt every day to stave off and infections, along with my other symptoms. I had spent the last week cutting down on carbs and following a modified candida diet. I was hoping that I could get away with a modified candida diet but my doc said I should start with the extreme diet for at least a month. So, I guess I am going (basically) carb-less for a while. I sort of started this weekend. I say "sort of" because all 3 days I had 1 meal that wasn't from the diet, but the rest of my meals were. We have run out of groceries so I need to go shopping. Unfortunately, the food I need is more expensive. =( I really need to plan out my menu. Also, I would like to get get a food processor. Does anyone know a good food processor that isn't too expensive?

The good news is that I have already lost 3 pounds from last Friday. It was fun to move my ticker this morning. =) I am currently on cd18, peak + 8... smack dab in the middle of the 2ww. I don't feel any symptoms. Of course, I've been sick the last few days so that may be masking some of my symptoms. I've been doing better emotionally. I haven't randomly burst into tears in about a week. I guess that's something. Hopefully, in a week, I can burst into tears for a good reason...

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Funk and Candida

I noticed last night that I haven't posted in a while. I just haven't felt like I want to blog. I've been kind of like a turtle who hides in its shell. Every morning I wake up and feel fine for about an hour. Then the weight of my sadness seems to hit me and I break down and sob for a while. Then, I just walk around in a kind of fog during the day. Work has been really busy this week so that has been a good distraction. I haven't really been able to pray either. Yesterday was my adoration hour day. The most I can say is I showed up. I decided that I was doing pretty good to show up. I spent the time either just sitting or journaling. I've been like this since Christmas. Luckily, when my in-laws were in town they stayed in a hotel so I could have my breakdown at home and then act like a normal person in front of them.

I have tried to do some pro-active things, even while I'm in a funk. I have done some research into candidaisis. Does anyone know about this? It is basically an overgrowth of yeast in your body. I have been having a problem with thrush and yeast infections. If I don't eat yogurt every day then I get a flare up of one or the other. I have also read that there is a connection between candida and endo and ibs. I also have quite a few of the other symptoms associated with candida. So, I talked to my doctor and read up on how to combat this problem. Basically you have to go on a no carb/sugar, no dairy, all organic/natural/hormone free diet. It is actually a pretty extreme change for me. Also, it's a lot more expensive.

I decided to try easing into it to see how extreme I need to go. We are trying to buy meat that is hormone free and organic veggies when they are available. I am eating fewer carbs and cutting out "white" food. Basically when I eat carbs I am trying to eat whole grains instead of highly processed carbs and sugars. I'm also trying to up my exercise. I've managed to loose the few pounds I gained during the holidays, plus a pound so I got to adjust my ticker this morning.

I have also been having this weird achey/bruised feeling on my right side. It feels better with heat and hurts more when it's cold. It's been there for about a week (on and off). I'm starting to wonder if I developed a cyst on my right ovary. If it's still there next week I'll ask my gyno if he will do an ultrasound.

Well, that's basically me right now. Hubby and I are going for a walk so I need to log.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Still Nope -- Updated

14dpo. Temp went back up but Fi.rst Res.ponse had 1 line. I definitely feel pg. I think this is going to be another m/c like last time. =( =(


It's 16dpo now and I finally started bleeding (well, it's brown and black). I had some very intense shooting cramps when I started. This is just like my last m/c, just a few days earlier. Even though I never got a bfp I'm sure I was pg, just with really low hcg numbers. I've never had a luteal phase longer than 13 days, but usually it's 11-12 days.

This sucks! And, my in-laws are in town so I have to play host and put on a happy face. So much for my fantasy about being ecstatic while they are here and giving hubby a pg for his birthday (he's a New Years baby).

I have made some decisions about some proactive things I can do to try and help myself, but I will have to blog about that later.

More Twinges

It is the end of 13dpo and still no AF. My temp was down some this morning, but I'm not sure how much stock to put in that because I woke up over an hour early and decided to take my temp then because I really had to get up to use the bathroom. I continued to feel periodic twinges today, but I also felt some cramping this morning. My worst fear is that I am pg, but that it's not a strong pg and I will m/c like last time. Last time I didn't get a bfp until 16dpo and it was really faint. I have one more Res.ponse that I will use tomorrow am with fmu if my temp is back up. Hope has creeped back in though. Maybe I am pg and this one will stick. I hope so because I'm not sure how I will handle another m/c.