Yet Again, CD1

It's CD1 today. It did come the "regular" time after I think I O'd, so that's good. I didn't have the usual pre-cramps twinges and my cramps today are a little worse than normal. However, my flow doesn't seem to have clots (at least so far... knock on wood) which is good news. It does make me wonder about the menses I had the cycle before my bfp, which had very heavy clotting. DH thinks I might have had a very early m/c that cycle because I had a lot of clots and really thick blood. My period started 13dpo and I never poas so I don't know for sure. I would prefer to think that my body was just getting rid of some endometriosis. And, speaking of choosing to think of things in a positive light, this marks the beginning of the 2nd cycle after my m/c which means that we can start trying again next cycle. Hopefully I will be pregnant 2 months from now. Our 2nd anniversary is Dec. 3rd. A BFP would be a great anniversary present...

I talked to my doc's office yesterday and they said that some of my labs are complete but they wanted to wait until they had the whole work-up before talking to me about the results. So, they should know by Tuesday what the results are. I'm not too nervous. I had some tests done a few years ago for clotting issues and things came back within normal limits. So, the tests this time around are more of a pre-caution because I did have a clotting issue as a toddler. I am just looking for some reassurance that the clotting issues haven't returned.

In other news, I turn 31 tomorrow. 31 years of life, 22 months of marriage, 19 months TTC, 1 pg, and 0 babies living in my house. I did have a nice time a my party last night though. We had some friends over and ate tacos and played dominos and laughed. It was fun. I didn't let myself think about losing my baby most of the night. When I do let myself think about it I am overcome with a wave of grief that threatens to bring me to my knees. I hope my grief dulls at least a little some time soon.