I noticed last night that I haven't posted in a while. I just haven't felt like I want to blog. I've been kind of like a turtle who hides in its shell. Every morning I wake up and feel fine for about an hour. Then the weight of my sadness seems to hit me and I break down and sob for a while. Then, I just walk around in a kind of fog during the day. Work has been really busy this week so that has been a good distraction. I haven't really been able to pray either. Yesterday was my adoration hour day. The most I can say is I showed up. I decided that I was doing pretty good to show up. I spent the time either just sitting or journaling. I've been like this since Christmas. Luckily, when my in-laws were in town they stayed in a hotel so I could have my breakdown at home and then act like a normal person in front of them.
I have tried to do some pro-active things, even while I'm in a funk. I have done some research into candidaisis. Does anyone know about this? It is basically an overgrowth of yeast in your body. I have been having a problem with thrush and yeast infections. If I don't eat yogurt every day then I get a flare up of one or the other. I have also read that there is a connection between candida and endo and ibs. I also have quite a few of the other symptoms associated with candida. So, I talked to my doctor and read up on how to combat this problem. Basically you have to go on a no carb/sugar, no dairy, all organic/natural/hormone free diet. It is actually a pretty extreme change for me. Also, it's a lot more expensive.
I decided to try easing into it to see how extreme I need to go. We are trying to buy meat that is hormone free and organic veggies when they are available. I am eating fewer carbs and cutting out "white" food. Basically when I eat carbs I am trying to eat whole grains instead of highly processed carbs and sugars. I'm also trying to up my exercise. I've managed to loose the few pounds I gained during the holidays, plus a pound so I got to adjust my ticker this morning.
I have also been having this weird achey/bruised feeling on my right side. It feels better with heat and hurts more when it's cold. It's been there for about a week (on and off). I'm starting to wonder if I developed a cyst on my right ovary. If it's still there next week I'll ask my gyno if he will do an ultrasound.
Well, that's basically me right now. Hubby and I are going for a walk so I need to log.