Yeah. My doctor's office had to cancel my appointment today because they had to evacuate the building due to some fires started by stupid people throwing cigarettes on the ground! When I got that phone call I was so scared! I have another apt scheduled for tomorrow morning at 9am. That's one more day without knowing if my baby is growing on track. One more day without being able to ask all my questions. One more day without being able to re-evaluate all my scripts and make sure my hormone levels are on track. Unfortunately, Wed is my doc's surgery day so I have to see another doc in the practice. The doc I'm seeing is the doc I saw the first time I went to this practice. I asked to move to my doc because I thought this other guy was too green (he was fresh out of school) to handle my complicated situation. However, I will still get blood tests done, so that is good. Maybe I can talk to my doc on the phone for my other questions.
In the meantime, I just couldn't sit back and do nothing. I took my first dose of baby asprin (the last time I talked to my doc he said that he wanted me to start taking it when I got pregnant). I also went out and bought another pregnancy test. The good news is I am still pg. I was hoping that the line would be quite a bit darker, but it was about the same. I'm trying to convince myself it's because yesterday I tested with fmu and today I tested when I got home from work and I had a lot of water today. It was slightly reassuring to see the positive stick though. I am still feeling that pressure/pinching feeling in my abdomen. Other than that I still don't have any symptoms.
One of the first things I thought about when I heard my apt was cancelled was that God really wants me to trust completely in Him. Honestly, I don't know if I can right now. I want to. Or, at least I want to want to trust in Him completely. The most appropriate prayer for me right now is from St. Augustine, "I believe Lord, help my unbelief." This cycle I have tried to make decisions that show my trust in God (even if I don't really feel the trust at the time). Apparently, I need more opportunities to trust... God, please help me to be patient and trust in you.