Friday, April 4, 2008

Learning About My Heart

This post is not about feelings. I just wanted to share what I've learned while trying to find out why I'm having palpitations.

1. When you're getting an echo-cardiagram and you "jokingly" say to the nurse, "Do you want to see a baby?" she will not take you up on your offer... even if you bring it up twice...

2. My ob's office is not the only doc's office to hire inept support staff.

3. You should be worried when you are getting blood drawn and tell the nurse that you have hard-to-find veins so it works better to use a butterfly and she looks in all the drawers and says she's not sure they have a butterfly needle... (Does she know what a butterfly needle is?)

4. If you are adamant with the aforementioned nurse she will eventually go find a more experienced nurse who will come in and open the drawer the aforementioned nurse "searched" and pull out a butterfly needle asap. The experienced nurse will also take pity on you and take your blood herself, but still have trouble finding a vein.

5. If the doc's office is older with 70s decor, then the machines in the office are probably not state of the art.

6. If you know you have to be monitored for 24 hours to see if the doc can "catch" one of your episodes, make sure to take a shower that morning because you aren't getting wet for 24 hours.

7. When they prepare your chest to attach the nodules that detect your heart rhythms, they will "sterilize" your skin with a piece of velcro dipped in alcohol.

8. The aforementioned nodules ITCH LIKE CRAZY for the entire 24 hours.

9. The machine that is attached to the nodules via a series of wires and is supposed do "clip" to your belt will not stay in place.

10. When the aforementioned machine that "attaches to your belt" slips off, it sometimes will fall hard enough to detach one of the aforementioned nodules from your chest. And, when you try to reattach the nodule it does not stick as well.

11. Murphy has a great sense of humor. If your palpitations seem to be stress related, and you're worried about money, your husband will be offered a wonderful job 30 minutes after the nodules have been attached and the machine has been turned on.

12. The aforementioned machine is very annoying when you are trying to sleep because it "clips" very poorly to pajama bottoms.

13. If you have big bbies and can't sleep on your back due to being pg, your big bbies will dislodge the aforementioned nodules, which you will have to reattach during your bathroom breaks.

14. The aforementioned itching is the gift that keeps on giving, even after you are finally able to permanently detach the aforementioned nodules.

15. The aforementioned nodules also leave another gift:

Needless to say, I am glad that this particular test is over... I just hope that I won't have to repeat it because the nodules kept coming off... I see the doc again next Tuesday for results. However, I am very happy about hubby's new job. Because of all our money worries, hubby decided to try and get back into computers. At his first phone interview for a computer job they liked him so much they offered him the job without an in-person interview. Go hubby!! =) I am especially happy because hubby's self-esteem took a pretty big hit the last time he did a major job search and had difficulty. He was really worried that he wouldn't ever be offered a computer job because his skills are a little rusty (he's been out of the field for a couple years). Hopefully this job will be good for his self-esteem as well as our checkbook. It is nice to feel like we don't have to worry about how we are going to pay for this baby...


Alison said...

OK, I know it's not a laughing matter. It sounds horrible but I was laughing through your whole post. #5 and #7 are hilarious.

Congrats to hubby on the new job!

Fertilized said...

What a nightmare - I hope all results are in your favor