Trish's Baby **UPDATED**

Please pray for Trish. She came down with pre-eclampsia and is having a c-section at 26w2d. She is scared and asking for prayers.

God please protect Trish and Baby C ("Tater") today and in the months to come. Keep them safe and healthy and help Tater grow big and strong.

St. Gerard, please lift up Trish and Tater in your prayers and intercede on their behalf.

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UPDATE:
Trish gave birth to Robert Michael C. at 11:22am and he is doing very well! Yeah! Please click over to her blog to give support and to see pictures of a beautiful (and tiny) baby boy!

A New Day **UPDATED**

On Thursday, May 29, please click on Allison's blog, Our Own Creation, and help replace that post with whatever is currently up on her blog that day. Everyone needs to visit on the same day--May 29th--because if we simply click throughout the week, it won't bump the day she lost Zoë from that section of the dashboard. I am writing this now to give us time to spread the word. Take the graphic I created and place it on your own blog. Don't worry--I'll remind you to click that day.We need 2,350 people to visit Our Own Creation on May 29th. We need 1,785 people visit Sweet Zoë.

The day that Allison lost Zoë is forever marked her "best day ever" on Wordpress because it is the day that the most people visited her blog. For her own emotional well-being, she needs this post to be taken off her blog dashboard. The way to do that is to create a new record for visits to her blog.

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UPDATE:

Mission accomplished! Allison more than met her goal! Yeah!

Back from Retreating

**p-word talk below**

I'm back in the land of activity. My retreat was very nice and peaceful. I was definitely able to relax and to even catch up on some sleep. There was a lot of opportunity to pray and listen, which I really needed. One of the books I was reading during the retreat is called "healing the hidden self." It is about how we can ask Jesus to heal our younger selves so that we can move on from the pain/effects in our adult life. The author says some interesting things about possible traumas that people can inherit from stresses the mom feels during pregnancy and about the trauma children may feel during the birthing process. I started to think about some things from my childhood that I may still be carrying around. It also made me think about how I am approaching this pg and how I plan to approach the upcoming birth. One thing that I think will be important is that I try to avoid (or at least deal with better) undue stress. Also, I have decided that I will have a positive attitude about this pg from here on in. I can't give any more energy to being scared or worried that this baby isn't going to come out alive and well. I still realize that something may happen, but I am choosing not to spend energy worrying about "what if" anymore. The baby is still kicking away, so that is helping with my new attitude...

I took my first set of belly pics. This weekend I noticed that my stomach really seemed to pop out. At about18 weeks I felt like I didn't have a waist anymore, but now I really feel like my stomach is starting to stick out. Of course, there's fat on top of the baby, so I think that many people, if they didn't know me, would just think I was fat... especially when I'm not wearing a maternity shirt. I am wearing my favorite maternity shirt in the pic so I look more pg than in other shirts. I am looking forward to just looking pg, without people being confused if I've just gained a few pounds... This is the first time in my life where I don't mind my stomach getting bigger. In fact, I was actually kind of excited that it was expanding! Passing 20w was good for me.

Thanks to all of you who have been commenting! I signed up to be a part of NaComLeavMo and I am in the process of figuring out how to put the icon in my sidebar. I will be around the blogsphere, but it will take me a little while to get caught up on reading all the posts from the weekend.

Retreat Weekend

I just wanted to let all you out in blogland know that I will be away for the weekend. I am going on a much needed retreat. The only bad part of the weekend is that my husband was not able to come with me =(. In my hormonal moody pg state, I am actually really sad about being away from him! The retreat house is very close to my house, so I might just sneak away for a bit and come home to snuggle a little. Hubby is also sad about the separation, but he is very supportive of me going on retreat. At least he has Monday off so we can spend some time together then. I really am looking forward to the actual retreat. It is a silent retreat. I've never been on one, but I think being forced to shut up and listen to God can only be good for me.

In other news, I will be 20w tomorrow. It feels good to hit the half-way mile stone. Now, I'm trying to hold on until 24w. My next u/s is during week 24 too, so that should be a good week (hopefully). Baby is still doing well. Yesterday Baby was kicking up a storm most of the day, so that was encouraging.

I'll be back on Sunday night. Hopefully I'll be well-rested and peaceful too. =)

Late to the Party

If you have been reading my blog for a while, you may remember that I am sometimes slow to react to things emotionally. Apparently, this trend goes beyond emotions... I got my first bout of morning sickness on Sunday. I had some food aversions in the first trimester, but I never had any real nausea (only "mini" nausea) or vomiting. At 19w2d I lost my breakfast. I noticed the eggs I was cooking smelled weird to me. However, I had just purchased them, they had an expiration date sometime in June, and they were the expensive all natural, organic, free range eggs. I just figured that I was being a little picky pg lady and ignored my feelings. I had a very healthy meal (scrambled eggs, cantaloupe, english muffin, and OJ). Then, I went to brush my teeth. Then, I saw all of my breakfast again. I do tend to have an overactive gag reflex while brushing my teeth, but this was uncalled for!

Frankly, I was really taken off guard. On the authority of MANY sources, I thought morning sickness wasn't a problem after the 1st tri was over... Monday I had another food aversion warning as I was fixing my breakfast. This time, I heeded the warning and ate something different (and very plain!). I still felt a little queasy, but I didn't loose anything. I had another food smell aversion at dinner time last night and, again, chose something plain instead. This morning I didn't notice any aversions, so hopefully I won't have to look at my breakfast again.

If this problem continues, I will ask my doc about it. Is this normal? I haven't heard of any stories of morning sickness showing up for the first time in the 2nd tri. I guess someone has to be the exception, I'm just not sure I'm happy being that person...

In other news, baby is still alive and kicking. Life is still good. =)

Show and Tell

This was the wallpaper mural in my room when I was between 3-12 years old.

I mentioned to my mom that, in thinking about how to decorate my baby's room I was thinking about that mural and wondered if I could find it or something similar. I was working off of my memory of the wall. I have many fond memories of looking at the wall and using my imagination. I thought it was the coolest room on the planet! I also had wonderful yellow walls that I loved. The only reason I moved out of that room is when I hit junior high I wanted to be farther away from my parents, so I moved into the biggest bedroom in the house, which happened to be in the basement. My childhood room remained yellow with the great wallpaper. In fact, even when my parents sold the house they just freshened up the paint and kept the wallpaper so that another kid could enjoy the room.

Anyway, when I mentioned to my mom that I was thinking about that mural, she said she had some ideas about where I might find it. Next thing I know, my dad has pulled out this box from the garage... The same box they received the original mural in! There are even some left over pieces of wall paper still in the box! Frankly, I was speechless... until I started laughing my butt off! I couldn't believe my mom kept it, even through a major move! She said that she hadn't planned on keeping it at the time (28 years ago!) but that I loved the wall paper so much as a kid she decided to hold onto it "just in case..." The picture up above is from the side of the box so I guess it came in handy... =)

So, now that we have the box we know the company that originally made the mural (although the artist's name isn't anywhere on the box). My mom contacted the company to see if they still carried this mural. They don't. However, my mom seems to have made a friend with one of the secretaries at the company (Wanda). Wanda, apparently, is trying to track down a copy of this for me (even if it is just a poster). Honestly, I never expected my innocent wondering about that mural to have had such a big reaction! If Wanda does manage to find a way to get this as a mural I basically have to buy it because she went above and beyond.

I do still like the mural, but not as much as I thought I would. I remembered it having more colors. I have looked through a lot of kid room murals lately (in the search for this particular one) so I have seen a lot of really great options. I like the idea of putting a solar system mural on the ceiling. Hubby suggested doing a kind of layered effect where we would have under the sea (at the bottom), above the water (in the middle), sky (on top) and solar system (on the ceiling). I do kind of like the idea of that. We have 10ft ceilings so we have some height on the wall to work with. This would all only be on one wall so hopefully it wouldn't be too overwhelming. Of course, we would need to find the right murals to work with so they would flow together somewhat. I guess we'll just have to see what happens. In any case, now you know what my childhood bedroom looked like.

It's a...

Very healthy baby!!!! The baby is measuring right on track, has all his organs, plenty of amniotic fluid, weighs about .7 pounds and has a heart beat of 149. I only gained 2 pounds since my last apt 5 weeks ago. YEAH! Also, WHEW! I had kind of gotten myself worked up a little last night. It was bad enough that I woke up after 4.5 hours with my head spinning and wasn't able to go back to sleep for a couple hours. I was just very anxious that something would come up in the u/s to ruin what, so far, has been a pretty good pg. The worst news is that I have to have another u/s in 4 weeks because the placenta is a little too close to the cervix still. (Darn! I have to look at the baby again!) They like to see the placenta at least 3 cm away from the cervix and mine is only 1 cm away. They didn't seem too worried about it because I still have a lot of growing to do and it is making progress. At my last u/s at 10w the placenta was completely covering the cervix. So, it is definitely moving in the right direction and I'm not too worried about it.

The second piece of not great news is that my blood pressure was quite a bit higher. Normally I am around 110/65. Today I was 138/82. I told the doc that I have been stressed and haven't been sleeping well. He told me I needed to take it easy and I shouldn't be working overtime. I told him that my schedule should be better now and that I shouldn't need to work overtime for a while. Hopefully that will help. I think hubby is finally on board to come walk with me in the mornings. I think that will also help us with staying healthy and feeling like we have some time to spend together. If my bp is still high at the next apt I will start to worry about it more. In the mean-time, I will just try to do more "healthy" things to help myself.

Overall I am feeling very happy and relieved. Our DVD worked in the machine this time so hopefully I will be able to figure out how to get some u/s pictures to post here. Hubby is working on trying to get the DVD to play in something. In the meantime, I think I might take a nap. Thank you to everyone who prayed for us and for all the supportive comments over the last few weeks. I know I have been kind of chica negativa lately. I think my attitude will be improved from now on. My schedule has finally let up some and I am feeling a lot more confident about this pg. Life is good! =)

The Worst News I can Imagine

Please go over to Beautiful Curve and give her some support. She just lost her second baby at 23w. She lost her first baby at 22w. Murphy must hate her. My heart breaks for her!

Nervous

Well, I am 18w6d today. Tomorrow is the big u/s. I am pretty nervous. I have been having some odd aches in my cervical area. The paranoid part of my brain has been worried that it is thinning and dialating.... I am definitely asking my doc to check it tomorrow! I'm really looking forward to seeing the baby, but I'm also nervous about what we will see. I just want all the organs to be present, accounted for, and growing on target. Hubby wants to find out the gender. I feel ambivilent about the gender. I just really want a healthy baby!!! My heart breaks every time I hear about someone who looses their baby in tragic circumstances late in their pg. I know this is really selfish, but I really don't want to join that club! I have been pretty stressed out for at least a month. My heart palpatations have returned.

I know I sound crazy, but I would really appreciate prayers, good wishes, etc. sent my way. Tomorrow, after everything is ok, I will pull out of this self-centered paranoid crap.

Just to end on a more positive note, I felt the baby move "for sure" yesterday. I have had some experiences that "might" have been the baby for a few weeks, but yesterday was definitely the baby. I was sitting at work typing something. All of a sudden it felt like bubbles were brushing up against the inside of my belly. It happened about 4-5 times. It was a beautiful, wonderful, happy moment! I have been checking in on the baby about every other day with the doppler (holding steady at 150 beats/min), but feeling the baby was A LOT more exciting!

What's the Opposite of Infertile?

Michelle Duggar.



http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24537885&GT1=43001

http://health.discovery.com/convergence/duggars/duggarfamily.html


I have mixed feelings about this. It seems like their children are well cared for and loved, which is the most important thing. I do think that letting God guide your fertility choices is a good thing. I also really believe that every couple has to discern what God is calling them to in regards to their family. I feel a "but" or a "however" looming in the back of my head, but I can't seem to put it into words. Maybe it's a little bit of lingering jealousy that it seems so easy for them? I'm not sure. For now, it looks like there will probably be another Duggar in the world in 9 months...

If I can just make it until...

Has anyone ever had the feeling of being so busy/overwhelmed that they keep a certain date in their head as their goal because "after that day things will be calmer!"? I seem to fall into this trap over and over and over. I don't know if it is the nature of my job, or if it is just life in general. I'm starting to wonder if this is not a healthy way to go through life. If nothing else, this approach has started to feel like an empty promise. Inevitably, I finally get to "the date" with a lot of built up stress and anticipation about "the promised land" (i.e. time off, or at least less rushing around) only to be disappointed with the realization that my to do list hasn't gotten any shorter, my calendar is still just as full (if not fuller) and there is a new "date" to shoot for. Sometimes I feel like I am walking through the desert to a watering hole only to arrive at the watering hole and find out it was a mirage.

Case in point: May 3rd has been my goal date for a couple months. May 3rd marked the official end of all kid oriented scheduling in my program for this school year. The rest of the events that I am responsible were supposed to be "minor" in comparison and are adult focused. May 3rd also marked the last Saturday I was scheduled to work until June 7th (ahh, weekend sleeping in bliss!). So, I woke up early on May 4th only to roll out of bed and go to work/church. It was the last day of another kid program in my department so I needed to be present. OK, I can handle that because it is a regular Sunday schedule for me. No biggie, right? Except, since I have been so focused on May 3rd, I forgot all the detail stuff I needed to finish for a departmental development day on Tuesday (today...). So, May 4th and 5th were spent squeezing the planning in between regularly scheduled work. Oh, and of course there are those training sessions the 4 Mondays of May that I have to be around for (luckily, I am not leading the training!!!).

What does this mean? It means that I worked a 13 hour day yesterday so that I would be prepared for last night's training and today's "fun and relaxing" development day. I means that I just swapped one set of stresses for a new set of stresses and that the break in the clouds I was promised (I promised to myself?) was a mirage. It means that I am feeling disillusioned by my own schedule.

Does anyone else have this problem? I am starting to feel like I need a different approach to life. I constantly feel like I am living for "someday" rather than living in the moment. Sure, I have brief encounters where I am able to appreciate the "here and now," but these are the exception not the rule. I feel like I am stuck. I have to plan ahead with my job! Otherwise I would be reduced to tears everyday, overwhelmed by the constant barrage of tasks and people that battle for my attention. In one sense, my schedule/calendar/to-do list is my saving grace. However, that same schedule/calendar/to-do list also serves to remind me that there is no end in sight. I need a break in the clouds. How do you create a space of calm in the midst of the storm?

I will gladly accept all suggestions, comments, and assvice.