Well, I finally heard back from my friend. I'm not really sure how I feel right now. Let's just say her reaction didn't immediately make me feel better. She did apologize, but she also gave some excuses and basically told me that she didn't have time/energy to put much more into our friendship (although she really values the time we spent together in grad school and the support I gave to her in her time of need).
I don't know. I think I need some more time to process... I still feel much of the hurt and bitterness I felt before. I don't know if it is something I can work through and be friends with her, or if it is just too much for me. I don't know.
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About Me
- Fat Girl
- My name is Fat Girl and I am obese. I have recently come to realize this and have decided to do something about it. This blog will chronicle my experiences as I journey toward a skinny version of me.
Just Call Me Moody
Infertility Rant
I wish people wouldn't assume that if you want to have a baby all you have to do is have sex a few times (at most) and it will happen. I wish people didn't feel like they are entitled to ask me if I am planning on having children (a very personal question, in my opinion) at the first introduction. I wish people could respond with something other than "you can always adopt" upon learning that I struggle with infertility. It would be nice if they could also refrain from telling me stories about people who struggled for 5, 6, 7...12 years before they finally had a baby. Sometimes our bodies don't do what we want them to do. Thinking that I will probably have to struggle with this for another 10+ years does not help me feel better.
Worth Reading
For Those With a Sense of Humor
Infertility Blogs I Read
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Fertility History (Or, Our Life at the Doctor's Office)
- 9/30/08 Son is born healthy after 36 hours of labor!! =)
- 6/6/08 22weeks and all looks good!
- 1/28/08 BFP--cautiously optimistic
- 1/4/08 Early M/C at 4w3d
- 9/16/07 Miscarriage
- 9/11/07 BFP!!
- Aug 07 Positive OPK! then (of course) BFN
- July 07 boogie marathons with OPKs for the next few months - cycles FINALLY seem stable
- July 07 DH diagnosed with varicocele, but has "normal" sperm (surprise!) - what a difference a lab and doctor make! No surgery necessary: BFN
- June 07 2nd and 3rd SA tests for DH at an endrology lab: BFN
- May 07 Apt with 3rd urologist (specialist)... more tests: BFN
- May 07 Apt with 2nd urologist, referred to specialist
- April 07 Start Accupuncture for endo (go for 12 visits) - seemed to help with pain control, hopefully got rid of endo too: BFN
- Mar 07 Apt with crap urologist... NOT returning - recommended surgery without confirming diagnosis!
- Mar 07 DH's 1st SA at a non-specialty lab - very low motility
- Mar 07 Tired of BFNs: Laparoscopy, Hysteroscopy, and Chromotubation - Diagnosis: Stage 4 endo on right side around ureter (too dangerous to operate without specialist)... did remove endo from uterus. Good news: tubes clear and no cysts on ovaries (although ovaries still enlarged)
- Nov 06 Dianosed with PCOS - start taking Metformin: still all cycles = BFN
- June 06 Move across the country: have only seen BFNs
- Mar 06 Started actively TTC: BFN
- Dec 05 Married my Soul Mate!
- Oct 05 Diagnosed with low progesterone levels - started on Progesterone during LP to help short LP and break through bleeding in middle of cycle
- Sept 05 Series of blood tests in attempt to diagnose crazy cycles
- Spring 04 Start charting cycles (trying to diagnose why so crazy: some long, some short, heavy bleeding, some annovulatory cycles)
What Does that Mean?
- 2WW = Two Week Wait, the weeks after ovulation and before menses
- AF = Aunt Flo (menses)
- B/W = Bloodwork
- BBT = Basal Body Temperature
- BD = Baby Dance
- Beta = Blood pregnancy test to check the amount of HCG (pregnancy hormone)
- BFN = Big Fat Negative (pregnancy test)
- BFP = Big Fat Positive (pregnancy test)
- CD# = Cycle Day #
- CM = Cervical Mucus
- DPO = Days Past Ovulation
- Endo = Endometriosis
- FMU = First Morning Urine
- HCG = Hormone level that increases when pregnant
- HPT = Home Pregnancy Test
- IF = Infertility
- IUI = Intrauterine Insemination
- M/C = Miscarriage
- M/S = Morning Sickness
- OPK = Ovulation Predictor Kit
- PCOS = Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome
- PG/Preggers = Pregnant
- RE = Reproductive Endocrinologist
- SA = Semen Analysis
- TTC = Trying to Conceive
- U/S = Ultrasound
- WTO = Waiting To Ovulate
- WTT = Waiting To Test
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7 comments:
I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, you were obviously there for your friend and she did not reciprocate; however, she is in a different situation than you were at the time. She has a family and, once you have a family, your priorities change (or so I've been told). Still, friendship is definitely a two-way street and your hurt feelings are completely understandable.
Friendships ebb and flow and most friends aren't very good at being supportive 100% of the time. If you find someone who is, hold on tight. Good luck to you! :)
It's really hard for me when I realize that I'm putting more energy into a friendship than my friend is. There have been countless times when I have taken a step back and waited for my friend to contact me and make an effort, only to realize that she will never make that effort. That's really painful.
Praying for you for wisdom as you decide how to proceed!
I'm just here from NCLM, and would like to start with saying congratulations on your pregnancy, and very active little one! I hope he's turned, and stops trying to kick a hole through your cervix!
Secondly, I'm sorry about your friend. I've had situations similar, and it hurts to know that someone you've been there for, suddenly doens't have the time or energy to return the favor.
That stinks. I'm sorry she didn't have a better response. I can't imagine not being there for someone who was there for me in a time of need.
Sometimes it is just necessary to let a friend go though. There's nothing wrong with that! It's not fun, but sometimes it's necessary. You don't want to feel bitter and hurt everytime you call or write her.
Again, that just really stinks!
I have to say, my relationships with several of my friends have changed dramatically when they have children (whether long-distance or local). Esp. when long-distance, because the mother has to find the time to talk on the phone and call people, and usually she is exhausted. This has been hard for me to accept at times, but I try to keep in mind that my friend's behavior is not a reflection of her feelings for me; it is merely a reflection of her stage of life and other responsibilities.
Many congratulations to you on your pregnancy. Best wishes thru NCLM! Pretty soon, you won't want to talk on the phone, either. :o)
All of the other commentors seem to be much nicer than me. I think your "friend" is really rotten, and motherhood has nothing to do with it. You did a lot for her IN THE SAME SITUATION. She knew damn well just how bad things were for you, having been there herself. Unless, maybe, she is just the one woman I've ever met for whom infertility was no big deal, and maybe she thinks it was no big deal for you?
Sometimes, you just have to leave people behind, because you realize that they don't add to your life. She sounds like a prime candidate. Some people are takers, not givers, and who needs that in their life!
I'm sorry you didn't get the support you needed, and I'm thrilled for you that you are at 22 weeks. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!
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