RLB?

**p word warning: this post is mostly about my feelings during this pg**

I have been having trouble understanding the reality of how my life will change when this baby gets here. I think I have basically accepted that I am pg and that it is going to stick. I don't spend very much time freaking out or worrying anymore. And, I'm not completely petrified to tell people anymore. I am still waiting for the 2nd trimester, but it's a more a "just in case" reason rather than being scared out of my mind I will m/c at any moment.

The problem is, though, that I can't fully imagine how our life will change. I am so used to it being just the 2 of us. I can picture us holding a baby. I have ideas about how we will approach raising the baby. I just can't imagine the day in, day out reality of how my life will be completely different. I won't ever have to give this baby back to anyone. Which also means I won't be getting any sleep when the baby is sick, and I am responsible for changing all the diapers and cleaning up all the messes. Ironically, I have such a hard time imagining the reality of my situation that I still feel like I relate most to the blogs of ladies who are still ttc. I know that's kind of weird, but that't how I feel. Maybe I haven't accepted this pg as much as I thought I had...

This Easter mass I sat between 2 of my BIL's 4 kids and I loved it. I got a taste of what it will be like to be a mom teaching my kids about the mass. It was wonderful. I even appreciated the distractions. Whenever one of the girls was distracted, I took the opportunity to refocus her to what was happening in the mass (or, if it was a down time I prepped her for what was coming up).

So, I can sort of imagine all this stuff, but it doesn't really feel like it's happening to me. I don't really feel pg... Sure, I'm tired a lot and I get weird reactions to food sometimes, but I haven't gained any weight and all I have are a few pictures that could come from anyone's belly. I'm not complaining. I am thankful for the easy 1st tri. I just wish this experience felt more real to me. It doesn't feel like it's really happening to me. It all still feels surreal. I am thinking about renting a doppler so I can keep track of my baby's hb (and get reassurance that the pg is on track still). The one major fear I do have is that this pg will go to pot late in the 3rd tri and it will be the most heartbreaking pg ever.

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In other news, this is my 100th post. I am actually kind of happy that my 100th post could be about a pg that has made it to 11w5d. I am almost to the breath-a-sigh-of-relief stage. Also, March 24th was my blogaversary. I guess Easter week has been a big week for me.

BTW, when exactly does the 3rd tri start? I have tried to look it up and it seems like everyone gives a different answer. If blogger will let me, I think I will post a poll.

Well, thanks for listening to my rambling. Maybe in my next post I will share a little more about my trip last weekend and my experience at Easter mass (that had nothing to do with the kiddos who were sitting next to me).