It's all Good

The short story is that even though I still feel the same pressure and periodic pain of the past few days, I have been taken off bedrest. Thank you to everyone who has been thinking of me and praying for me! If you want to know the longer story keep reading.

Yesterday when I talked to the nurse she told me to rest for the day and call back in the morning with an update. Well, this morning's update was that I still felt the same symptoms. So, the doc's office scheduled me for 1:30. I contacted work and took another day off... [I only have 2 days to roll-over to next year, but my anniversary date is in July so hopefully I'll get to keep those for maternity leave!] Then I hung out on the couch until it was time to leave.

Once at the doctor's they combined this appointment with the stuff (GTT test, u/s to check on placenta placement, regular 25/26w check-in) they were going to do on Tuesday. It's nice I don't have to go back next week!

As for the results, I find out about the GTT either tomorrow or Monday. I didn't really feel that weird after drinking the orange stuff... I don't know if that's a good thing or not... I'm still taking metformin so if my blood sugar is off I am in real trouble! I have gained 10 pounds total this pg. Doc said he would be fine if I didn't gain any more weight, or if I even lost some (but I'm not supposed to TRY to loose weight). Not sure how I feel about the weight gain issue...

The baby weighs 1.9 pounds and is in the 84th percentile. (Hubby and I are both shorter so I don't know where he gets it!) As for the other stuff, the answer to everything is "4." My cervix measured 4cm. (It got longer!!!! It was 3.65 last time!) My placenta is 4cm away from my cervix. (Yay!!!! That means I can have a vaginal delivery without worrying about bleeding to death!) You may be wondering where the cervical pressure is coming from... Baby has decided that it is time to put his head right up against my cervix. He's very impatient I guess. Apparently this is not all that uncommon. And, he could still change positions multiple times before it's "time."

I left feeling mostly encouraged. I'm VERY glad to know that baby is doing well and that my cervix is in good shape. I was shocked that it has actually gotten longer! I didn't know that happened at this stage in the game. However, I'll take it (especially over the alternative)!! I felt kind of silly that the nurse put me on bedrest when I am fine and I know so many others who are dealing with much more serious conditions and are on bedrest. When it's your first time this far along in pg, it's really hard to know what is a normal ache or pain and what is something to worry about. My doc said that the feelings I've been having are basically going to be considered my new "normal." So, unless the pressure/pain drastically change or get much worse, I shouldn't worry. I guess I just get to be one of those lucky pg ladies who is uncomfortable for a long time... BUT, I'm not complaining! As long as baby is doing well and staying put, I am happy!!!!

In other more frivolous news, the baby still isn't cooperating in having his profile picture taken. He definitely takes after his dad--he apparently doesn't like to have his picture taken. The u/s tech did get a 3/4 face shot that looks pretty cool and not quite so skeleton like...

OK. That's the update. Thanks again for checking in on me!

1930's Wife?

Well, apparently I would make a good 1930's wife... To be honest, I'm not sure how I feel about that.

84 As a 1930s wife, I am Very Superior Take the test!

Bed Rest

Sorry for the silence lately. I did warn you that I tend to post in spurts... I have been reading and commenting, but haven't been up to thinking up a whole post.

So, I am on bedrest today. I have been experiencing some pressure on my cervix and pain in my abdomen. The pain I think is mostly rlp and I'm not that concerned about it. The pressure (which can get painful if I stand for too long) I am a little more concerned about. 2 days ago the baby moved to the lower half of my uterus (I only feel movement below my belly button, my belly is only firm below my belly button, and when I use the doppler the baby's heart is very low below my belly button as well) and I started feeling a lot of pressure on my cervix. It could be that the baby just decided to sit on my cervix. However, I am more worried that my cervix is dilating or that the baby has started to "engage," which scares me. 24w is way too early for that! I know I was excited to reach 24w because the baby is possibly viable, but the odds are still not in my favor. When I talked to the nurse this morning she told me she wanted me to stay home and rest today because I have had cervical pressure before (around 21w) and because my placenta is pretty close to the cervix. The plan is for me to see how I feel in the morning and call to check in. If I am feeling better I might be able to go back to work (if I wear a maternity support belt, which I already started wearing yesterday). If I feel the same or worse, I am supposed to go in to the doc's office. My doc does his hospital rounds/surgeries on Wed's so he's not in the office today anyway. He'll be in tomorrow.

Here is the encouraging news:
1. the pressure does improve (although doesn't disappear) when I sit and even more when I lie down
2. I haven't seen any blood
3. I haven't seen anything that I thought was my mucus plug
4. baby is VERY active throughout the day and seems to be doing well

I have to admit, I didn't expect the nurse to suggest I stay home on bedrest. I wasn't really scared until she said that. I cried after I hung up. Hubby is very worried. He is the one who actually convinced me to call the nurse. I really hope that things improve. I am scheduled for my regular check up and GTT test next week on Tuesday. That's only 6 days away. At that time I am also scheduled to have an u/s to check on the position of my placenta. I was hoping I would be able to just wait until that appointment.

OK. I'm really tired right now. I haven't been sleeping well lately so maybe I just need to catch up on sleep.

The Bus.iness of Being Bo.rn

Has anyone seen this movie ("The Bus.iness of Being Bo.rn")? We watched it tonight. I have been thinking about how we will approach the birth of this little one for a while now. I was already leaning toward trying to go all natural and even considering using a doula. Now, hubby and I have decided that we will for sure try to hire a doula. I think the part of the movie that stayed with me the most is how one intervention (e.g. giving an epidural) can have a snowball effect that requires more interventions (e.g. pitocin) and possibily lead to a higher c-section rate. The movie spent a lot of time on covering home births. I'm not really convinced that I want to give birth at home... I do like my doc (although, I am not guaranteed that he will be the one on call when I deliver) and I feel comfortable with the hospital I am supposed to use. However, I definitely see the benefits of having a professional labor assistant who can stay with me during my whole labor. I feel like I will have a better shot at having no or little intervention if I have soemone there who can help me understand what is happening and what options I have for dealing with it.

Anyway, I would recommend watching the movie if you are pg if, for no other reason, to get another view of how labor can happen.

22w5d Belly Shot

Here is my latest belly shot. I didn't think I had really grown that much in the last 2 weeks, but I can see a difference between this shot and my 20w4d shot. So, it looks like the baby is growing. Yay! =)

Friendship...

Well, I finally heard back from my friend. I'm not really sure how I feel right now. Let's just say her reaction didn't immediately make me feel better. She did apologize, but she also gave some excuses and basically told me that she didn't have time/energy to put much more into our friendship (although she really values the time we spent together in grad school and the support I gave to her in her time of need).

I don't know. I think I need some more time to process... I still feel much of the hurt and bitterness I felt before. I don't know if it is something I can work through and be friends with her, or if it is just too much for me. I don't know.

Coincidence?

I woke up with a headache this morning. Well, in truth, I first woke up at 4am and spent about 2 hours awake catching up on blogs, then I went back for a nap and woke up at 9am with a headache. So, what is the coincidence? I have to go to work today after 2 nights of great sleep and 2 glorious days off. It's weird because I don't hate my job. Besides the stress that goes with it, I actually like my job. I think it's important work, I feel reasonably competent at it, and many of the people I work with are great (there are always pains-in-the-*** anywhere you go, but you know what I mean). All last week I was feeling kind of headachey too but this weekend I felt great.

So, there are a few options:
1. Hubby is starting to come down with something and he passed it on to me (he has been headachey the last couple days).
2. I have "selective" allergies that flare up only when I'm not completely relaxed.
3. I am surpressing my feelings again and unaware of how I really feel about work.
4. I really want to stay home with the baby (and can't right away for financial reasons) and am internalizing stress symptoms before the baby is even viable.

I don't know if there are any more options, but those are the ones I can think of off the top of my achey head...

Baby Austin is Here!

Head on over to Farah's site and congratulate her! Baby Austin came into the world at 12:02am!

The Promised Update

**This post is all about Baby. Feel free to skip if you need to.

Three posts in one day! I'm on a role... I guess my quiet phase is over...

Last weekend we got a new printer/scanner/fax all-in-one so I thought I would take advantage of the new equipment. Here is a picture of our 19 week u/s. The baby wasn't in a good position for a profile shot, but here is an "above" shot of my little skeleton baby. Cute, huh!?!

I went to the doc on Tuesday. Last weekend I had some cramping that got progressively worse, including a cramping/stretching in my cervix area. I wasn't bleeding so I figured I would sleep it off. Monday morning it was improved, but got worse throughout the day. So, Monday afternoon I talked to one of the nurses at my doc's office and she said she thought it was probably normal pregnancy pains, but that I should come in just to check me out.

The good news is that my BP was back down (100/68)! It was such a big change that the nurse actually did a double take when she went to write it in my chart... However, my doc didn't seem phased. I guess the retreat really did help me relax. =) I hadn't gained any weight, which was good. They also did another very quick u/s to check my cervix. Everything checked out ok. My cervix measured 3.65, so that was good. While the u/s was in there (yes, I was reaquainted with the dil.do cam) we found the culprit... 2 little feet kept kicking my cervix! The baby was breech. He must have been completely streched out because I had been feeling movement very low (obviously) and just above my belly button (the top of my uterus) for a couple weeks. I guess he decided that he wanted to stretch out while there was still some room. Little stinker. Thankfully, I think he has rotated some. The other day I felt some little feet off to the side. I was actually glad about that. I don't really want a little foot to kick through my mucus plug. I know that probably doesn't happen, but my imagination can come up with all kinds of crazy things!

I had the day off today (YAY!!!!) so we decided to go to BRU and register. It was kind of a weird experience because we were both just wandering around looking at everything and saying, "I have NO idea what we need!" In the end we decided on some safety stuff (e.g. outlet covers), a stroller and carseat, a co-sleeper, some bath supplies, a glider chair and ottoman, some pacifiers, and a swing/bounce seat. For big stuff we still need a pack 'n play, a dresser, and possibly a crib (we haven't decided if we want a crib or if we will just use the pack 'n play). I think I need to go back with a friend who is an experienced mom so she can help me figure out what I will really need. I also decided, after a lot of research and agonizing, what kind of baby carrier I want to use. I think it will be a good combo of sling and more structured carrier. I'm hoping that it will be a good match/fit for me. I don't want to be one of those people who orders 5 different kinds of carriers before finding the right one (I have a friend who did this).

I also got one of those pg lady back support girdle things. I think it will be good for days I have to stand for long periods of time. I tried wearing it for a couple hours tonight and I could definitely feel the back support. However, I don't think I will wear it all day (at least for now) because I usually end up sitting much of the day. The back support part is kind of itchy and pokes slightly in a couple places when I'm sitting. However, I think it was a good purchase. Now, I just need to find a bra that will work for me. I have already outgrown all of the bras I currently own and I'm only 22 weeks... I think I'm a size F right now, but I keep growing. I'm scared what will happen when my milk comes in! I'm also not sure what to do about my bra problem. I don't want to buy too many bras now that I will only wear for a couple months... especially since most of the bras that will fit me need to be special ordered and are expensive! I found a couple online ordering sites, so I will look more closely at them. However, if you know of any good large lady nursing bra sites you can pass on, I would gladly take suggestions.

OK, that's enough rambling for now.

Child's Room Wall Mural

Well, we are trying to narrow down the options for the baby's room decoration. We definitely want to do a wall mural. It doesn't look like the mural I had as a kid can be located so we are looking at other options. We need the mural to be gender neutral so we can re-use the space for (hopefully) more children in the future... (This is an example of the positive thinking I am trying to adopt.) Hubby and I both like the idea of animals and of fish in the ocean. We also like Noah's Ark. We were trying to combine them somehow and found a few murals that seemed to do that. I am including 3 options below. You can click on the title to see a better picture. Please give me some feedback. Do you like them? Do you have a favorite? Or, do you think we should keep looking? I'll post a poll to the side too, but comments will be very helpful. Thanks for your input!

Two by Two:






Noah's Ark:

Noah and the Rainbow:

Show and Tell

Here is my latest entry for Mel's Show and Tell:

This was my FAVORITE book growing up. If you look closely you can tell that the book cover is well-worn and held together at the top and bottom with clear packing tape. My mom used to read this book with an Irish accent and reeeaaaaaallly emphasize the phrase "Leprechauns never lie!," which is repeated often in the book.

**SPOILER ALERT** The following 2 paragraphs are a summary of the story. Skip if you don't want to know the story.

The book is about a VERY lazy girl, Ninny Nanny, who lives with her ailing Gram and the house is falling apart because never does her chores. The girl finds a leprechaun (who never lies) and tries to convince him to tell her where his pot of gold is. The leprechaun very cunningly tells her all the places his gold USED to be and in the process of her looking for the gold she ends up doing her chores (sorting the wood pile, filling the water barrel, thatching the roof with straw from the pile, digging up the potatoes in the potato patch). Finally Ninny Nanny is so tired from all the work and so frustrated with the leprechaun she decides to let him go.

The good news is that now she and Gram have a warm house and food in their belly. Unfortunately, Ninny Nanny was still too lazy because she left 1 potato plant in the garden. Late that night the leprechaun returned and dug up the remaining potato plant, picked up his pot of gold and rushed off to find a new hiding spot.

*************

As a soon-to-be parent I really like the message of the book. As a kid I thought the book was funny and I would yell at the girl about where the gold really was. I have many good memories of reading this book with my mom. I highly recommend this book for any parents who are looking for good books to read to their children. I looked at Bar.nes and Nobl.es' website and it looks like the book was re-released, with a new cover. If you decide to get the book, let me know what you think. =)

What's in a Friendship? -Updated-

I'm sorry for the silence lately. Sometimes I feel full of words that I have to get out (hence, I started the blog). Sometimes I feel very quiet and just go into "take-it-in" mode. I've been feeling quiet lately... However, I feel like I need some feed-back about something.

I just wrote a "Dear Jane" type of email. Have you ever been in a friendship where you each have different needs/expectations for the relationship? In this instance I had a friend who I was pretty close to during 3 years of grad school. During that time we talked daily, prayed together, and supported each other during hard times. She struggled with infertility for a year before conceiving her oldest daughter (who is now 3 & 1/2). Then, her pregnancy was very high risk and she was on bedrest for 6 months. I visited her almost daily and helped her stay connected with the rest of our classmates.

After graduation we talked on the phone periodically and we have seen each other 2 times, both of which were nice and seemed to go well. The trouble came once I started experiencing my own infertility. I thought she would be a great friend to me. Afterall, she knew how it felt to want a baby so badly and have your body fail you... The last time we saw each other was just after my surgery and the misdiagnosis of male infertility last spring. During the visit she was very supportive and a good listener (even as she held her 3 month old baby...). At that point I was entering into the darkest part of my journey.

The next 9 months were a rollercoaster ride through hell for me. I didn't have extra energy to reach out to her. I could barely take care of myself and my husband. I needed her to reach out to me. She didn't. I got a message in August from her and didn't call her back because she said she would try me again the next day. She didn't call. She did leave another message about a month later apologizing for not contacting me while she was in town for a wedding (she lives several states away) and, again, said she would call me back. She didn't. I did call her back a couple days later and left her a VM. She didn't call me back. When I had my first 1st m/c in September she called again and left me another VM and, again, promised to call me. At that point I was NOT up to calling her. And, I was already feeling very hurt and let down by her, not to mention that I was grief-stricken at loosing my first baby. She never called me back and I haven't heard from her since, until today.

Yesterday I sent an email to all of my grad school classmates (it was a small class and we were pretty close) and told them that I was pg and almost 22 weeks. She replied to my email. She congratulated me, said she had been thinking about me and praying for me, and gave me a small update on her family. She also said she was going to try and call me...

I wrote her back and thanked her the prayers and congratulations but told her that I didn't think it was a good idea for her to call me. I explained how hurt I have been that, obviously, our friendship wasn't as important to her as it was to me. I told her how hurt I was that she hadn't reached out to me more, even though she should know how painful things have been for me, and especially since I was there for her during her difficult time.

I'm not sure how I feel about the whole situation right now. I have been carrying around that hurt for a long time. I'm sad to loose the friendship I thought we had during grad school. However, it's only a friendship if it's a 2-way street. I don't know. What would you have done in this situation? Would you have tried to talk it out with her? Would you have just not responded? Or, do you think I did the right thing by sending the honest email? I'm starting to second guess myself... Thanks for your feedback!

I'll have an update and some pictures in my next post. =)

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Update:
Three days later: I still haven't heard from my friend. Her silence is deafening.