Umm, yeah. I just watched the infamous Tyra episode about women who are desparate to have a baby. Wow. The only part of the first 3/4 of the show that I thought Tyra was respectful and appropriate was when she was talking with Trista and Ryan (from the Bachelorette). I felt like Tyra was basically exploiting the people and the situations on the show. The poor couple in the audience who have been trying for 5 years got completely cut off. Then, there was this poor pathetic girl (I think she said she was 22) who was engaged and trying to get pg by not always taking her b/c. Her fiance didn't want to have a baby for another 5 years. The fiance actually called the show because he thought Tyra would help him "talk some sense" into his fiance. Instead, Tyra ended up counseling the girl to leave her fiance and find someone who wants a baby soon. I felt sorry for the poor guy. He looked like he was hit by a bus.
The most frustrating part was that there was quite a bit of mis-information about IF issues. The best part of the show was when Tyra talked to Kim Hahn, and only because Kim Hahn kind of took over the conversation. Even Kim, though, kind of mis-lead the audience by saying that you ovulate 14 days before the end of your cycle. That's only true if your luteal phase is 14 days, which for many women it's not... Basically, I was pretty disappointed with the show. I don't normally watch Tyra, and after today I don't really plan on adding her to my "watch" list...
Friday, February 15, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
It All Comes Down to Trust
**Pregnancy talk warning** (skip if you want)
I am 5w6d today. I think I am starting to become comfortable with the idea of being pg. Last week I had to go to Tar.get for a few things and I found myself walking through the baby section and starting to plan. I ran some names past hubby to see what he thought. I'm starting to day dream. This is getting dangerous... I've never gotten this far in a pg before. I do have a few symptoms (tender bbies, constipation, slight nausea sometimes, fatigue almost every day). The symptoms coupled with the great beta numbers are basically what I'm counting on... I don't see the doc until the 22nd. By that time I will be 7w exactly. As long as my symptoms keep up and I don't have any cramps or spotting, then everything is a-ok, right? I have to think that way. Otherwise... I can't think about what the "otherwise" means.
** Pregnancy talk over**
I think this time in my life has been an exercise in trusting God. One way of looking at the last 2 years (or, for my whole life really) is to see everything that has happened as a different invitation to trust God and His ability to provide for me and give me what will bring true joy to my life, while at the same time giving me an opportunity to build up the kingdom. And, over the last 2 years I have felt the range of emotion when it comes to trusting God. At times I have had complete trust and at other times I have not felt one iota of trust. Recently, I've started to realize that my trust level varies depending on the topic. For most things in my life I have a lot of trust in God's providence. For example, when it comes to money I don't really worry about the future, even though money is REALLY tight and we don't really have a savings. But, for most of my life money has been really tight (if not non-existant) and everything has always worked out. I've always had everything I needed, just not necessarily everything I wanted (e.g. I still have never had an ipod). But, lack of money doesn't bother me that much. Sure, I worry from time to time, but it doesn't overwhelm me.
It's probably no surprise that the area I have difficulty trusting God with is my fertility. Yesterday I had a spiritual direction session (the first one since October!). Most of the session seemed to circle around this trust issue and around the meaning of suffering. One thing my director said that really stuck with me was that trust is an act of the will. I think I have heard this before, but it never really struck me as deeply. This past cycle I was kind of in the "fake it 'til you feel it" mode. I think that is a way of trusting with your will without having the feelings to back it up. I had been walking around feeling like a hypocrit, but now I don't think I was. I never lost my faith/belief in God. I was just very hurt. When I'm hurt I pull back and turn inward... protect the core...
I think I need to change how I see my suffering (easy to say, hard to do). I'm not quite sure what the modification fully looks like, but it starts with acknowledging that God didn't send me this suffering. I am not being punished. My head has known this, but I think I felt this way deep down. I do not "deserve" to be infertile (nobody does) nor did I do anything wrong to warrant a punishment like this. Secondly, suffering comes because we live in a fallen world. This world is not the way God originally planned it to be. Third, suffering can be redemptive. I'm not saying I think you have to suffer in order to get to heaven. However, I am saying that how you deal with the suffering you experience can bring you closer to God and help you better serve those around you.
The other day I was reading a reflection from Henri Nouwen (one of my favorite spiritual writers) about the connection between the Eucharist and God's unconditional love. The Eucharist is the blueprint (so-to-speak) of how God's love is transformative. Jesus took the bread, blessed it, broke it, and gave it to the disciples. Those 4 words say it all: take, bless, break, give. Even Jesus himself was taken, blessed, broken, and given to the world... and it was the most loving thing the Father could do for us... and the most loving gift Jesus could give. We too are taken, blessed, broken, and given, if we allow it to happen. And, even though the breaking part really hurts, we are blessed before that. And, the breaking has a purpose: transformation for the benefit of others. For myself, at this moment, I need to focus on the blessing part so I can be ready to give. Otherwise, the breaking part has no meaning.
And, even though I just spent all that time talking about suffering, in this moment all is good. If nothing else I have a little break from the suffering. The break is nice, I have to say. I'm not really at the stage where I can feel complete joy (and only joy) but I'm trying to find my way there. Suffering allows us to feel the joy when it comes, right?
Well, this turned into a really long post... I think it's time to sign off for now.
I am 5w6d today. I think I am starting to become comfortable with the idea of being pg. Last week I had to go to Tar.get for a few things and I found myself walking through the baby section and starting to plan. I ran some names past hubby to see what he thought. I'm starting to day dream. This is getting dangerous... I've never gotten this far in a pg before. I do have a few symptoms (tender bbies, constipation, slight nausea sometimes, fatigue almost every day). The symptoms coupled with the great beta numbers are basically what I'm counting on... I don't see the doc until the 22nd. By that time I will be 7w exactly. As long as my symptoms keep up and I don't have any cramps or spotting, then everything is a-ok, right? I have to think that way. Otherwise... I can't think about what the "otherwise" means.
** Pregnancy talk over**
I think this time in my life has been an exercise in trusting God. One way of looking at the last 2 years (or, for my whole life really) is to see everything that has happened as a different invitation to trust God and His ability to provide for me and give me what will bring true joy to my life, while at the same time giving me an opportunity to build up the kingdom. And, over the last 2 years I have felt the range of emotion when it comes to trusting God. At times I have had complete trust and at other times I have not felt one iota of trust. Recently, I've started to realize that my trust level varies depending on the topic. For most things in my life I have a lot of trust in God's providence. For example, when it comes to money I don't really worry about the future, even though money is REALLY tight and we don't really have a savings. But, for most of my life money has been really tight (if not non-existant) and everything has always worked out. I've always had everything I needed, just not necessarily everything I wanted (e.g. I still have never had an ipod). But, lack of money doesn't bother me that much. Sure, I worry from time to time, but it doesn't overwhelm me.
It's probably no surprise that the area I have difficulty trusting God with is my fertility. Yesterday I had a spiritual direction session (the first one since October!). Most of the session seemed to circle around this trust issue and around the meaning of suffering. One thing my director said that really stuck with me was that trust is an act of the will. I think I have heard this before, but it never really struck me as deeply. This past cycle I was kind of in the "fake it 'til you feel it" mode. I think that is a way of trusting with your will without having the feelings to back it up. I had been walking around feeling like a hypocrit, but now I don't think I was. I never lost my faith/belief in God. I was just very hurt. When I'm hurt I pull back and turn inward... protect the core...
I think I need to change how I see my suffering (easy to say, hard to do). I'm not quite sure what the modification fully looks like, but it starts with acknowledging that God didn't send me this suffering. I am not being punished. My head has known this, but I think I felt this way deep down. I do not "deserve" to be infertile (nobody does) nor did I do anything wrong to warrant a punishment like this. Secondly, suffering comes because we live in a fallen world. This world is not the way God originally planned it to be. Third, suffering can be redemptive. I'm not saying I think you have to suffer in order to get to heaven. However, I am saying that how you deal with the suffering you experience can bring you closer to God and help you better serve those around you.
The other day I was reading a reflection from Henri Nouwen (one of my favorite spiritual writers) about the connection between the Eucharist and God's unconditional love. The Eucharist is the blueprint (so-to-speak) of how God's love is transformative. Jesus took the bread, blessed it, broke it, and gave it to the disciples. Those 4 words say it all: take, bless, break, give. Even Jesus himself was taken, blessed, broken, and given to the world... and it was the most loving thing the Father could do for us... and the most loving gift Jesus could give. We too are taken, blessed, broken, and given, if we allow it to happen. And, even though the breaking part really hurts, we are blessed before that. And, the breaking has a purpose: transformation for the benefit of others. For myself, at this moment, I need to focus on the blessing part so I can be ready to give. Otherwise, the breaking part has no meaning.
And, even though I just spent all that time talking about suffering, in this moment all is good. If nothing else I have a little break from the suffering. The break is nice, I have to say. I'm not really at the stage where I can feel complete joy (and only joy) but I'm trying to find my way there. Suffering allows us to feel the joy when it comes, right?
Well, this turned into a really long post... I think it's time to sign off for now.
Monday, February 11, 2008
The Baby Shower Question
Kathy recently posed the question about attending a baby shower. It was good to see everyone's response. It seems like everybody has their own way of dealing with baby showers, but most people said to do what you think is best for you.
I have a slight twist on the question and I was just looking for some feedback. This weekend is the baby shower my group of friends planned for all the preggos in our group. This is the shower that would have been partly for me if my first baby had kept on growing. Two of the ladies already have kids, but the third lady is pg with her first (honeymoon) baby. One of the ladies is about to pop with her 5th kiddo (5th in 6 years...). At first when I got the invite a few weeks ago I told the hostess that there was no way I could come (she knows why). Then, I got the bfp and it seems to be sticking (at least that is what I'm trying to convince myself of since there isn't any blood). Friday I told the hostess that I was pg (but she's the only friend I've told). I asked her if I could be a maybe until the last minute because I wasn't sure if I wanted to go. The shower is not going to be a typical shower since there are 3 ladies. We are just supposed to bring some diapers and a onesie to decorate. [I told the hostess (just after my 2nd m/c) that when I did finally manage to have a healthy pregnancy I wanted a kick-ass baby shower... She agreed.]
So, here's my question (and you may not even be able to answer this for me, but you're the only ones who might be able to put yourself in my shoes). Should I go? Should my attendance depend on how well my current pg is doing? I'm doing better these days, but I don't know if there are hidden emotions that will bubble up unexpectedly... What would you do in my shoes? I don't want to go and then be the wet blanket at the party. However, I would like to be able to celebrate new life with my friends.
Sorry for the rambling nature of this post. My thoughts seem to be really scattered these days... I'm actually supposed to be working right now, but I can't concentrate on anything (except this pg...). Is there a 12 step program for people struggling with IF and m/c? I should probably be attending meetings...
I have a slight twist on the question and I was just looking for some feedback. This weekend is the baby shower my group of friends planned for all the preggos in our group. This is the shower that would have been partly for me if my first baby had kept on growing. Two of the ladies already have kids, but the third lady is pg with her first (honeymoon) baby. One of the ladies is about to pop with her 5th kiddo (5th in 6 years...). At first when I got the invite a few weeks ago I told the hostess that there was no way I could come (she knows why). Then, I got the bfp and it seems to be sticking (at least that is what I'm trying to convince myself of since there isn't any blood). Friday I told the hostess that I was pg (but she's the only friend I've told). I asked her if I could be a maybe until the last minute because I wasn't sure if I wanted to go. The shower is not going to be a typical shower since there are 3 ladies. We are just supposed to bring some diapers and a onesie to decorate. [I told the hostess (just after my 2nd m/c) that when I did finally manage to have a healthy pregnancy I wanted a kick-ass baby shower... She agreed.]
So, here's my question (and you may not even be able to answer this for me, but you're the only ones who might be able to put yourself in my shoes). Should I go? Should my attendance depend on how well my current pg is doing? I'm doing better these days, but I don't know if there are hidden emotions that will bubble up unexpectedly... What would you do in my shoes? I don't want to go and then be the wet blanket at the party. However, I would like to be able to celebrate new life with my friends.
Sorry for the rambling nature of this post. My thoughts seem to be really scattered these days... I'm actually supposed to be working right now, but I can't concentrate on anything (except this pg...). Is there a 12 step program for people struggling with IF and m/c? I should probably be attending meetings...
Saturday, February 9, 2008
More Prayer Please
Remember this post? I talked to my friend yesterday and asked her for an update about the girl who was being pressured to have an abortion. The girl did go through with the abortion. This makes me so sad...not just because she had the abortion, but also because her parents and her boyfriend pressured her. I worry about her waking up someday and being overcome with grief. Please continue to pray for her.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Lenten Plans
I can't believe Lent starts tomorrow! I know it is very early this year, but it really did sneak up on me. Thank you lifehopes for your post about your Lenten plans. It served as a kick in the butt for me to make some decisions about what I will do for Lent.
I have really struggled in my relationship with God lately, especially in the area of trust. I think I will take the opportunity of my Lenten penances to work on this relationship. I decided to post my Lenten penances on my blog so that I can be held accountable... To that end, here is what I have decided to do for Lent:
Prayer: I will pray every day, in the morning before I do anything else (except maybe eat breakfast...). I used to pray daily, but I have really gotten away from it for months. Lately I have only been praying during my weekly adoration hour (and even that is very distracted and half-hearted prayer sometimes).
Fasting: I will fast from TV in the mornings before going to work. I have gotten into the habit of turning on the TV in the mornings for background noise while I get ready and cook and do dishes. I will also try to limit the amount of TV I watch in the evenings when I get home. Many nights my hubby doesn't come home until 10:30-11:00pm, so I often turn on the TV for company. Maybe I should start reading instead.
Almsgiving: This one is hard. Money is really tight right now so I hesitate to give any more of our treasure. I already give a lot of my time and talent to the church because I work there. I will look for an opportunity to give some time to something that will benefit someone or a group of people in need. I might help with our church's food bank or something. I used to volunteer at an advocacy center and help very poor and homeless people. I kind of miss that social justice work. I will look for some opportunities in the weeks to come. Maybe I can help with Catholic Charities. They recently opened a satelite office at our church. I might just go over tomorrow to see what they need.
In other news, I finally saw my doc today. I really do like him! He seemed very confident about this pg. He answered all my questions, which was helpful. Yes, I can take acidophilus to help ward off yeast infections. I am also going to start taking a calcium supplement since I am lactose intollerant. I affirmed my ideas about adding back some grains and a few fruits to my diet to try to stay more well-rounded in my diet. He said not to change too drastically though, especially since I have a few candida symptoms still (namely, mucus in my stool). He also said that since I have a history of m/c we should refrain from sex for the 1st trimester. I was a little disappointed to hear this, but hubby was pretty frustrated. The doc said that if we did have sex it most likely wouldn't cause a m/c, but that if a m/c were to happen the amount of guilt we would feel would be disproportionate. I think he's right. He also said that I should ease into exercise. I am supposed to stick with walking the first trimester, then in the 2nd trimester I can add some strength training, especially in the abdomen area. That made sense to me. I'm also supposed to keep taking the baby asprin. He didn't seem too concerned that I have lost 10 pounds in the last 3 weeks. He did say that I should be moderate with my diet though.
So, that is the update in a nutshell. I am scheduled to go in in 2 weeks for an ultra sound. By then we should be able to see a heartbeat. I think I will feel better after the ultra sound. It seems like the next major hurdle.
Ok, please forgive the ramblings of a desperate infertile woman grasping at straws that this pg is on the right track...
My progesterone has kicked in and I have that "drunk" feeling. I think I'm going to go to bed. Thanks for stickign with me!
I have really struggled in my relationship with God lately, especially in the area of trust. I think I will take the opportunity of my Lenten penances to work on this relationship. I decided to post my Lenten penances on my blog so that I can be held accountable... To that end, here is what I have decided to do for Lent:
Prayer: I will pray every day, in the morning before I do anything else (except maybe eat breakfast...). I used to pray daily, but I have really gotten away from it for months. Lately I have only been praying during my weekly adoration hour (and even that is very distracted and half-hearted prayer sometimes).
Fasting: I will fast from TV in the mornings before going to work. I have gotten into the habit of turning on the TV in the mornings for background noise while I get ready and cook and do dishes. I will also try to limit the amount of TV I watch in the evenings when I get home. Many nights my hubby doesn't come home until 10:30-11:00pm, so I often turn on the TV for company. Maybe I should start reading instead.
Almsgiving: This one is hard. Money is really tight right now so I hesitate to give any more of our treasure. I already give a lot of my time and talent to the church because I work there. I will look for an opportunity to give some time to something that will benefit someone or a group of people in need. I might help with our church's food bank or something. I used to volunteer at an advocacy center and help very poor and homeless people. I kind of miss that social justice work. I will look for some opportunities in the weeks to come. Maybe I can help with Catholic Charities. They recently opened a satelite office at our church. I might just go over tomorrow to see what they need.
In other news, I finally saw my doc today. I really do like him! He seemed very confident about this pg. He answered all my questions, which was helpful. Yes, I can take acidophilus to help ward off yeast infections. I am also going to start taking a calcium supplement since I am lactose intollerant. I affirmed my ideas about adding back some grains and a few fruits to my diet to try to stay more well-rounded in my diet. He said not to change too drastically though, especially since I have a few candida symptoms still (namely, mucus in my stool). He also said that since I have a history of m/c we should refrain from sex for the 1st trimester. I was a little disappointed to hear this, but hubby was pretty frustrated. The doc said that if we did have sex it most likely wouldn't cause a m/c, but that if a m/c were to happen the amount of guilt we would feel would be disproportionate. I think he's right. He also said that I should ease into exercise. I am supposed to stick with walking the first trimester, then in the 2nd trimester I can add some strength training, especially in the abdomen area. That made sense to me. I'm also supposed to keep taking the baby asprin. He didn't seem too concerned that I have lost 10 pounds in the last 3 weeks. He did say that I should be moderate with my diet though.
So, that is the update in a nutshell. I am scheduled to go in in 2 weeks for an ultra sound. By then we should be able to see a heartbeat. I think I will feel better after the ultra sound. It seems like the next major hurdle.
Ok, please forgive the ramblings of a desperate infertile woman grasping at straws that this pg is on the right track...
My progesterone has kicked in and I have that "drunk" feeling. I think I'm going to go to bed. Thanks for stickign with me!
Friday, February 1, 2008
6 Non-Important Things Meme
I've been tagged by Alison to list 6 non-important facts about me.
The Rules:
1) Link to the person that tagged you.
2) Post the rules on your blog.
3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
4) Tag at least three people at the end of your post and link to their blogs.
5) Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
6) Let the fun begin!
This is very similar to the last meme I did, so I have to come up with some new things. Let's see, six non-important facts about me:
1) I have small hands. Women's size gloves don't fit me, but kids size gloves do. I have only met one other fully grown adult woman with hands as small as mine.
2) I LOVE avocados! In a restaurant I will order a dish because it comes with avocados. I like guacamole too (if it's made correctly, not the fake stuff you buy in the grocery store), but there is a difference between guacamole and avocados.
3) I am more proud of the school I went to for my Masters than I am for my undergrad. Sometimes I will avoid telling people what school I went to for undergrad unless they ask me directly. I identify more with my grad school and will always root for their sports teams. Of course, my undergrad was a women's college so their sports aren't usually televised nationally anyway...
4) My favorite color is green.
5) I love riding a bike around, especially if I can go to a park with bike paths. Unfortunately, I don't currently own a bike.
6) We don't have cable tv. We are still using rabbit ears. We're just not home enough to warrant having more than 7 channels...
OK, I think I will tag New Reality, Farah, and R&R. =)
The Rules:
1) Link to the person that tagged you.
2) Post the rules on your blog.
3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
4) Tag at least three people at the end of your post and link to their blogs.
5) Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
6) Let the fun begin!
This is very similar to the last meme I did, so I have to come up with some new things. Let's see, six non-important facts about me:
1) I have small hands. Women's size gloves don't fit me, but kids size gloves do. I have only met one other fully grown adult woman with hands as small as mine.
2) I LOVE avocados! In a restaurant I will order a dish because it comes with avocados. I like guacamole too (if it's made correctly, not the fake stuff you buy in the grocery store), but there is a difference between guacamole and avocados.
3) I am more proud of the school I went to for my Masters than I am for my undergrad. Sometimes I will avoid telling people what school I went to for undergrad unless they ask me directly. I identify more with my grad school and will always root for their sports teams. Of course, my undergrad was a women's college so their sports aren't usually televised nationally anyway...
4) My favorite color is green.
5) I love riding a bike around, especially if I can go to a park with bike paths. Unfortunately, I don't currently own a bike.
6) We don't have cable tv. We are still using rabbit ears. We're just not home enough to warrant having more than 7 channels...
OK, I think I will tag New Reality, Farah, and R&R. =)
Finally, Some Good News! **UPDATED**
I went to the doc's office this morning for my 2nd beta and the results from my first set of tests.
HcG = 367 at 16dpo
Progesterone = 36
Yeah! Those are great numbers! =) I am breathing a little easier now. They are supposed to be processing my beta today STAT (although I have to pay extra to use the STAT currier, but I don't care) so I should know the results by this afternoon. It also looks like my Rh Factor is positive and my platelet levels are good. That's good to know. I was wondering if pregnancy might make my ITP flare up (in the back of my mind I wondered) but I seem to be doing good right now.
I was only at the office for about 20 minutes. It was obvious that the office manager had talked to the staff about my case, but I don't care. As long as things continue to go smoothly I am happy. It will be good to talk to my doc on Tuesday to ask some of my questions. I'm not sure if I should continue to not eat fruit now that I'm pg. My candida symptoms have really backed off, but I don't want them to flare up again. You're suppose to stay away from all simple carbs and sugars (including fruit) for at least a month. I just don't want to deprive my body of any nutrients I need. I am eating a lot of veggies (and a variety) so maybe that is enough...? I did have an orange yesterday. I still lost weight this morning so it couldn't have thrown me off that much. However, the area in my mouth that will flare up with thrush feels a little swollen. This happens before I get an outbreak of thrush so I don't want to push my luck. I'm not sure if I can take acidophilus while pregnant (the bottle says to consult your doctor) so I have been staying away from it.
Anyway, thanks for putting up with me this week while I went through my very stressful freak out. Hopefully things will be smoother going forward. Hooray for good numbers! =)
**********************************************************************
Results from this morning are just in:
HcG = 760
Woo!Hoo! That number is more than double and it was 46 hours between tests. Yee! Haw! I am relieved and very stoked. I know that we're not completely safe and that things can still happen, but I feel like we just successfully jumped over the first hurdle. I think I can start to believe that I am actually pg now. I don't think I'll put up a pg tracker until after I see a heart beat, but I have a really big smile on my face right now! =D
OH, I guess I owe my L ovary an apology... Good 'Ole Lefty, I'm sorry I called you retarded. You have definitely proven yourself this cycle. Thank you!
HcG = 367 at 16dpo
Progesterone = 36
Yeah! Those are great numbers! =) I am breathing a little easier now. They are supposed to be processing my beta today STAT (although I have to pay extra to use the STAT currier, but I don't care) so I should know the results by this afternoon. It also looks like my Rh Factor is positive and my platelet levels are good. That's good to know. I was wondering if pregnancy might make my ITP flare up (in the back of my mind I wondered) but I seem to be doing good right now.
I was only at the office for about 20 minutes. It was obvious that the office manager had talked to the staff about my case, but I don't care. As long as things continue to go smoothly I am happy. It will be good to talk to my doc on Tuesday to ask some of my questions. I'm not sure if I should continue to not eat fruit now that I'm pg. My candida symptoms have really backed off, but I don't want them to flare up again. You're suppose to stay away from all simple carbs and sugars (including fruit) for at least a month. I just don't want to deprive my body of any nutrients I need. I am eating a lot of veggies (and a variety) so maybe that is enough...? I did have an orange yesterday. I still lost weight this morning so it couldn't have thrown me off that much. However, the area in my mouth that will flare up with thrush feels a little swollen. This happens before I get an outbreak of thrush so I don't want to push my luck. I'm not sure if I can take acidophilus while pregnant (the bottle says to consult your doctor) so I have been staying away from it.
Anyway, thanks for putting up with me this week while I went through my very stressful freak out. Hopefully things will be smoother going forward. Hooray for good numbers! =)
**********************************************************************
Results from this morning are just in:
HcG = 760
Woo!Hoo! That number is more than double and it was 46 hours between tests. Yee! Haw! I am relieved and very stoked. I know that we're not completely safe and that things can still happen, but I feel like we just successfully jumped over the first hurdle. I think I can start to believe that I am actually pg now. I don't think I'll put up a pg tracker until after I see a heart beat, but I have a really big smile on my face right now! =D
OH, I guess I owe my L ovary an apology... Good 'Ole Lefty, I'm sorry I called you retarded. You have definitely proven yourself this cycle. Thank you!
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