Even though I'm Catholic I never really fully understood intercessory prayer. I believed that the saints were close to God and, therefore, could pray for me just like my friends on earth pray for me. However, I always kind of thought that if I had a prayer request I would just talk to God myself. I don't know if this stemmed from a desire to be able to speak for myself (I'm pretty independent) or just a disbelief that one person's prayer would be more powerful or listened to more closely than another person's prayer. Afterall, doesn't God love all people (whether they're on earth or in heaven) equally?
Then, after a year and a half of heartbreak I finally get pregnant, only to loose the baby at 5 weeks. And now, I don't really feel like talking to God. It's not that my faith is shaken. I still believe in God. I just don't trust God. How could God give me my deepest wish, only to take it away? And, if he didn't take it away, why couldn't he stop the m/c? Miracles happen to other people. I'm not saying I think I'm entitled to a miracle, I'm just saying I don't understand why this happened. It really doesn't seem fair, especially when God is supposed to be "just." No, I'm not ready to talk to God right now. The only way prayer is happening is if someone prays on my behalf. And, for the first time, I feel like maybe God will listen to someone else's prayers more, because he obviously isn't listening to mine. So saints in heaven, please pray for me. If there's a saint who has a special heart for infertile women, please pray twice for me. Pray for me because I cannot pray on behalf of myself.