Monday, December 3, 2007

Thankfulness, Anxiety, Anger, Sadness

Today was a very emotional day. First of all it's my 2nd wedding anniversary. I love my husband more than I thought it was possible to love another person. He is my hero in many ways (he saved me from a life of loneliness) and he is my best friend. We went out to breakfast this morning because it was the only time we would have together. It was good to spend time together, but it wasn't very relaxing. Hubby was stressing about about is work/school load (he's been feeling very overwhelmed). I was feeling anxious this morning because it's 11dpo. I really wanted to give my hubby a bfp today. I got a bfn this morning. I couldn't wallow in anxiety too long because after we got back from breakfast hubby's overwhelmed feeling became too much for him and he freaked out a little and I had to help him.

Then, I got to work. My first appointment cancelled on me, so I don't have some info I need for another meeting I have tomorrow. Then, I had to put out some fires with some volunteers (but this is not necessarily unusual). Then, a co-worker called me because she was upset with some things I had submitted. She was rude to me about it on the phone about it, which pissed me off. It was kind of the last straw for me since I have been really struggling with this co-worker lately. To make a long story short we had a series of exchanges that made me angrier than I have ever been (except for a couple times I have fought with my mom). By the end of the night I was so angry I had to shut my door and cry. I didn't know what else to do and I had so much anger welling up. I was so upset that I finally just left. There was no way I was going to be able to focus long enough to get any work done. When I got home I did an aerobic and weights workout to try and get rid of my excess energy. After my workout I went to the bathroom and saw some red on the TP. Of course, the sobbing started all over again.

My worst nightmare for this Advent has come true, and it happened on my anniversary. I didn't get to give my husband a bfp for our anniversary. Instead, I don't get to see him most of the day (he won't be home until almost 1am tonight) and I'm starting my period. What makes it worse is that I really thought I was pg this cycle. I don't think I will ever trust my symptoms again.

Today sucked! And now, I get to watch all the preggos at church (I work at my church, so I get more than my fair share) and listen to all of the stories of Mary's pg all season.

Happy Anniversary to me.


Fertilize Me said...

THAT is a rough day!! I am so sorry that life has let you down. I am sending you warm thoughts

Trish said...

What a shitty day. :(

Anonymous said...

Things like these really happen. I wish you well now. I believe that you have more things to be thankful of than worry about these things that just happened to you. Find good motivations to rise above critical situations and try to react positively. Everything will be okay. In the days to come you'll just look back on this and smile. Thanks and good luck.