Hope Springs Eternal

Sorry I've been MIA for a little while. I was immersed in Harry Potter. Then, is was full-body tackled by work. I have a small breather (a couple days) and then I probably won't be able to un-burry myself from work until the end of August. =(

Anyway, I just wanted to post a little update on how I'm doing. I'm CD3. Amazingly, I'm doing pretty well. I pretty much figured last cycle wouldn't be "the one" because our timing wasn't very good. I had a few moments of doubt because my luteal phase went 1 day longer than it has been for the past 4 cycles (the only cycles in the last few years that could be called "regular") so I wondered. But, then AF came at 14dpo. That was actually exciting in itself because I have historically had a very short luteal phase. I am taking progesterone in the second half of my cycle to try to help with this problem. I don't want to manage to fertilize an eggie, only to have it flushed away before it can implant! (Of course, we have no way of knowing how many times this may have already happened, but I'm going to pretend it never has... It's too depressing to think otherwise.)

I think my endo may have improved some, which I'm very excited about! I did have some cramps this cycle during AF, but not nearly as bad as before and not at all during ovulation time. Also I did not have any break-through bleading this cycle which makes my think that I haven't developed any new polyps since my lap (at least not in my uterus). AND [TMI warning] I had A LOT of brown bleading and gummy mucus on the first day of AF. I hope that means that the acupuncture worked and that the stagnant blood was working its way out. If not, I'm kind of up a creek because we ran out of money and I had to stop going to acupuncture. I think I'll be ok though because on my initial visit my acu doc said I needed to go 10 times and I went 12 times total.

So, I'm pretty focused on this cycle now. We are planning the biggest boogie marathon of our lives. I don't think we will have anything get in the way (like trips, or tests to study for, etc.). That is exciting. It's hard to have good timing when life keeps getting in the way... I also have a good supply of pre-seed and 5 opks. This is my first time trying opks, so hopefully I can find my surge without having to buy more opks. I have a feeling that I ovulate around cd 15 so it will be good to know for sure. Also, I'm hoping that the opks will let me know if I have a "strong" or a "weak" ovulation. I guess we'll see... I used to use the spit ferning microscope, but my scope broke. I had trouble reading it anyway, so hopefully opks are more clear.

I guess the overall theme of this post is that I'm feeling hopeful. I'm feeling hopeful for the first time in at least 6 months. Sure, there were moments where I would try to grasp at hope and hold on, but it would always slip between my fingers (when I didn't just let go entirely). I actually feel like it is really possible for this month to be our month. So many people around me (in IF world and in RL world) have been getting BFPs lately. I really think my turn is coming up. I have a RL friend who told me he had a dream (or vision?) that I would be pregnant this year. Well, there are only 5 months left... After what I've already been through, that doesn't seem tooooo long... although, the sooner the better! So, here's to hope (picture me raising a glass of sparkling apple cider since I'm on metformin)!